It seemed like I was asking god for something I didn't deserve. Something shameful like begging for praise instead of acceptance. I don't believe in god when I go to my friends house, her dad died when she was young, and she said that if god were real what reason was there to kill her dad? He's innocent, like a moth. And I agreed because god is supposed to be a father, too. And he isn't cruel. I certainly didn't believe in god when my grandmother was sick. She doesn't move the way she used to.