Great quote!

I think it's pretty good as it is. If anything, I would remove the word 'then' from the very last sentence so that it reads as 'if you can't make the most out of any given moment, you don't deserve a single extra second. The word 'then' is not necessary

Alright the change finally went through. Any new thoughts on the grammar or structure?

You're quite welcome @ Itshine. Glad to help. Thanks for making the changes. We haven't chatted for a bit....hope you're doing well!

.̸̶̧̢̱̭͈̙͎̘͇̟̪̬̭̱̻̤͊͊ͧ̊͂͆̍̑̏̉ͧ͠.̸̶̧̢̱̭͈̙͎̘͇̟̪̬̭̱̻̤͊͊ͧ̊͂͆̍̑̏̉ͧ͠.̸̶̧̢̱̭͈̙͎̘͇̟̪̬̭̱̻̤͊͊ͧ̊͂͆̍̑̏̉ͧ͠.̸̶̧̢̱̭͈̙͎̘͇̟̪̬̭̱̻̤͊͊ͧ̊͂͆̍̑̏̉ͧ͠.̸̶̧̢̱̭͈̙͎̘͇̟̪̬̭̱̻̤͊͊ͧ̊͂͆̍̑̏̉ͧ͠.̸̶̧̢̱̭͈̙͎̘͇̟̪̬̭̱̻̤͊͊ͧ̊͂͆̍̑̏̉ͧ͠.̸̶̧̢̱̭͈̙͎̘͇̟̪̬̭̱̻̤͊͊ͧ̊͂͆̍̑̏̉ͧ͠.̸̶̧̢̱̭͈̙͎̘͇̟̪̬̭̱̻̤͊͊ͧ̊͂͆̍̑̏̉ͧ͠.̸̶̧̢̱̭͈̙͎̘͇̟̪̬̭̱̻̤͊͊ͧ̊͂͆̍̑̏̉ͧ͠.̸̶̧̢̱̭͈̙͎̘͇̟̪̬̭̱̻̤͊͊ͧ̊͂͆̍̑̏̉ͧ͠.̸̶̧̢̱̭͈̙͎̘͇̟̪̬̭̱̻̤͊͊ͧ̊͂͆̍̑̏̉ͧ͠.̸̶̧̢̱̭͈̙͎̘͇̟̪̬̭̱̻̤͊͊ͧ̊͂͆̍̑̏̉ͧ͠.̸̶̧̢̱̭͈̙͎̘͇̟̪̬̭̱̻̤͊͊ͧ̊͂͆̍̑̏̉ͧ͠.̸̶̧̢̱̭͈̙͎̘͇̟̪̬̭̱̻̤͊͊ͧ̊͂͆̍̑̏̉ͧ͠.̸̶̧̢̱̭͈̙͎̘͇̟̪̬̭̱̻̤͊͊ͧ̊͂͆̍̑̏̉ͧ͠.̸̶̧̢̱̭͈̙͎̘͇̟̪̬̭̱̻̤͊͊ͧ̊͂͆̍̑̏̉ͧ͠.̸̶̧̢̱̭͈̙͎̘͇̟̪̬̭̱̻̤͊͊ͧ̊͂͆̍̑̏̉ͧ͠.̸̶̧̢̱̭͈̙͎̘͇̟̪̬̭̱̻̤͊͊ͧ̊͂͆̍̑̏̉ͧ͠.̸̶̧̢̱̭͈̙͎̘͇̟̪̬̭̱̻̤͊͊ͧ̊͂͆̍̑̏̉ͧ͠.̸̶̧̢̱̭͈̙͎̘͇̟̪̬̭̱̻̤͊͊ͧ̊͂͆̍̑̏̉ͧ͠.̸̶̧̢̱̭͈̙͎̘͇̟̪̬̭̱̻̤͊͊ͧ̊͂͆̍̑̏̉ͧ͠.̸̶̧̢̱̭͈̙͎̘͇̟̪̬̭̱̻̤͊͊ͧ̊͂͆̍̑̏̉ͧ͠.̸̶̧̢̱̭͈̙͎̘͇̟̪̬̭̱̻̤͊͊ͧ̊͂͆̍̑̏̉ͧ͠.̸̶̧̢̱̭͈̙͎̘͇̟̪̬̭̱̻̤͊͊ͧ̊͂͆̍̑̏̉ͧ͠.̸̶̧̢̱̭͈̙͎̘͇̟̪̬̭̱̻̤͊͊ͧ̊͂͆̍̑̏̉ͧ͠.̸̶̧̢̱̭͈̙͎̘͇̟̪̬̭̱̻̤͊͊ͧ̊͂͆̍̑̏̉ͧ͠.̸̶̧̢̱̭͈̙͎̘͇̟̪̬̭̱̻̤͊͊ͧ̊͂͆̍̑̏̉ͧ͠.̸̶̧̢̱̭͈̙͎̘͇̟̪̬̭̱̻̤͊͊ͧ̊͂͆̍̑̏̉ͧ͠.̸̶̧̢̱̭͈̙͎̘͇̟̪̬̭̱̻̤͊͊ͧ̊͂͆̍̑̏̉ͧ͠.

Alright I made the change, thanks Weesin. I always have trouble when I'm quoting dialogue trying to balance the integrity of the quote and the grammar.

The third sentence is awkwardly written. And you need a space between the words 'hours' and 'days' in the fourth sentence. Otherwise, VERY good quote