I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all! The terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles! Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors. Oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called city fathers who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about, "What's to be done with this Homer Simpson?"