Dale Launer
- My Cousin Vinny - Mona Lisa Vito 1992
This car had an independent rear suspension. Now, in the '60s, there were only two other cars made in America that had positraction, and independent rear suspension, and enough power to make these marks. One was the Corvette, which could never be confused with the Buick Skylark. The other had the same body length, height, width, weight, wheel base, and wheel track as the '64 Skylark, and that was the 1963 Pontiac Tempest.
Jack Handy
- Deep Thoughts
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile away from them, and you'll have their shoes.
William Hughes Mearns
- Antigonish, or The Little Man Who Wasn't There
Yesterday, upon the stair, I met a man who wasn't there. He wasn't there again today. I wish, I wish he'd go away... When I came home last night at three, the man was waiting there for me. But when I looked around the hall, I couldn't see him there at all! Go away, go away, don't you come back any more! Go away, go away, and please don't slam the door. Last night I saw upon the stair, a little man who wasn't there. He wasn't there again today. Oh, how I wish he'd go away...
Mary Schmich
- Advice, like youth, is probably just wasted on the young
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, or maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.
John D. Rockefeller
The ability to deal with people is as purchasable a commodity as sugar or coffee. And I will pay more for that ability than for any other under the sun.
Gary Shteyngart
- Super Sad True Love Story
Then I celebrated my Wall of Books. I counted the volumes on my twenty-foot-long modernist bookshelf to make sure none had been misplaced or used as kindling by my subtenant. "You're my sacred ones," I told the books. "No one but me still cares about you. But I'm going to keep you with me forever. And one day I'll make you important again." I thought about that terrible calumny of the new generation: that books smell.
Nick Hornby
- The Things That You Think
In 1450, there were about a hundred new books published. Last year, there were more than a million. A new book comes out every 30 seconds. It would take you fifteen years just to read all of the titles of every book ever printed! And you're going to watch TV tonight? Fair enough, I suppose.
Dave Barry
- What is Electricity?
It also teaches us how an electrical circuit works. When you scuffed your feet, you picked up batches of "electrons," which are very small objects that carpet manufacturers weave into carpets so they will attract dirt. The electrons travel through your bloodstream and collect in your finger, where they form a spark that leaps to your friend's filling, then travels down to his feet and back into the carpet, thus completing the circuit.
Oliver Stone
- Wallstreet - Gordon Gekko
The point is, ladies and gentleman, that greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right. Greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed, in all of its forms; greed for life, for money, for love, knowledge has marked the upward surge of mankind.
Matt Stone (co-creator of South Park)
- Bowling for Columbine
I remember being in 6th grade, and I had to take a test for 7th grade honors math. And they're like, "Don't screw this up, because if you don't get into honors math in 7th grade, you won't get in for 8th grade, or 9th grade, or 10th grade... And then you'll just die poor and lonely." They scare you into conforming and doing well in school by saying that if you're a loser now, you'll be a loser forever. Of course it's completely the opposite.
Paul McCartney
- Materialism
Somebody said to me, 'But the Beatles were anti-materialistic.' That's a huge myth. John and I literally used to sit down and say, "Now, let's write a swimming pool."
Jon Ronson
- The Psychopath Test: A Journey Through the Madness Industry
There is no evidence that we've been placed on this planet to be especially happy or especially normal. And in fact our unhappiness and our strangeness, our anxieties and compulsions, those least fashionable aspects of our personalities, are quite often what lead us to do rather interesting things.
Uma Thurman
- Good Advice
I don't have a tidy soundbite for you, because I've learned... I'm not a child, and I've learned that when I've spoken in anger I usually regret the way I express myself. So I've been waiting to feel less angry. And when I'm ready, I'll say what I have to say.
Mike Judge
- Office Space
It's a problem of motivation, all right? Now, if I work my butt off, and Initech ships a few extra units, I don't see another dime; so where's the motivation? And here's something else Bob: I have eight different bosses right now. That means when I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. My only real motivation is to not be hassled! That, and the fear of losing my job. But you know Bob, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired.
Nick Hornby
- Things You Think
Did you know that Dickens invented over 13,000 characters? Thirteen thousand! That's a character a day for the whole of his working life. What have I done today? Dropped the kids off at school, listened to the new National album, played a stupid game on my computer... That's why I'm not Dickens; kids. Dickens's wife would have done the school run. I'm all for feminism, but it's cost me my one shot at immortality.
John Kennedy Toole
- A Confederacy of Dunces
Then you must begin a reading program immediately so that you may understand the crises of our age. Begin with the late Romans, including Boethius, of course. Then you should dip rather extensively into early Medieval. You may skip the Renaissance and the Enlightenment. That is mostly dangerous propaganda. Now that I think of it, you had better skip the Romantics and the Victorians, too. For the contemporary period, you should study some selected comic books. I recommend Batman especially...
R.J. Palacio
- Wonder
If every person in this room made it a rule that wherever you are, whenever you can, you will try to act a little kinder than is necessary - the world really would be a better place. And if you do this, if you act just a little kinder than is necessary, someone else, somewhere, someday, may recognize in you, in every single one of you, the face of God.
Anonymous
Think of a number between 1 an 10. Got it? Good. Now, multiply it by 9 and then subtract 1. Okay, now add 7. Time to close your eyes... It's dark in here isn't it?
The Blackadder
It's not even one percent convincing. However, I am a busy man and I can't be bothered to punch you at the moment. Here is my fist. Kindly run towards it as fast as you can.
Sloan Wilson
- The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit
I really don't know what I was looking for when I got back from the war, but it seemed as though all I could see was a lot of bright young men in gray flannel suits rushing around New York in a frantic parade to nowhere. They seemed to me to be pursuing neither ideals nor happiness - they were pursuing a routine. For a long while I thought I was on the sidelines watching that parade, and it was quite a shock to glance down and see that I too was wearing a gray flannel suit.
