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Hello my name is Barack Obama (President of United States) 1,000 years ago sorry I’m …

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Richard Lederer - Crazy English
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

Richard Lederer - Crazy English
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple or pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

Alexander Pope - Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
How happy is the blameless vestal's lot! The world forgetting, by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd.

Neil Gaiman - Make Good Art
Sometimes life is hard, things go wrong. In life and in love and in business and in friendship and in health and in all other ways that life can go wrong. And when things get tough, this is what you should do, make good art.