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Kenzie Sauer
A fundamental misunderstanding of depression.

Brenda Shaughnessy
Well you can actually make it go slower than 1 second per second if you …

Anonymous
changed eve to even

Some Disney Princess
I swear, didn't that happen to the Mongolian Empire lol

Satan
NO. JUST NO. WHY. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO REMIND ME OF THIS ABSOLUTE TORTURE

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gnegranza's quotes

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Rudy Franciso - Mercy
She asked me to kill the spider. Instead, I get the most peaceful weapons I can find. I take a cup and a napkin, I catch the spider, put it outside and allow it to walk away. If I am ever caught in the wrong place at the wrong time, just being alive and not bothering anyone, I hope I am greeted with the same kind of mercy.

Mitch Hedberg - Juggling Friend
I have a friend who is a juggler. If I'm at his house, I don't like to take food from him if it's in threes. He has three apples left, I guess I can't have one. I wouldn't want to screw up his practice routine!