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Why did the leprechaun walk out of the house? He wanted to sit on the Paddy O’!
Knock-knock! Who’s there? Irish. Irish who? Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!
What happens if you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover? You get a rash of good luck!
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Gaslighting
Others blind us by asking us to agree with their lies, and we blind ourselves through false beliefs. Rather than admit that we can never plumb the depths of another person, we claim to know them, and that certainty becomes a new blind spot. To know any person, we start by recognizing that we don’t. Not knowing is the precondition for learning about any person. It allows us to open ourselves to the mystery of another person. What happens, though, if we refuse to open ourselves up to other people?
A man consulted me regarding his previous therapist: “She told me my blinking eyes meant I felt murderous rage. Is that true?”
“No. That is mind reading, not therapy,” I replied. Not knowing the depths of another person, we live with risk. We must drop our fantasies to relate to him.
This man continued. “When she told me something negative about myself, and I disagreed, she said this proved I was resisting. If I agreed to an accusation I did not feel was true, I gained her approval. It felt like a Catch-22.”
“It was,” I replied.
By interpreting disagreement as resistance, we can try to bully people into submission and call it “collaboration.” Any fact can be misused to convince people that our projection is real. It’s called “gaslighting” after the famous film15 in which a man conceals and distorts the facts enough to convince his wife that she is going crazy.
Those who try to dominate and control another person do not help him find his words, they give him theirs—“listening” as ventriloquism. Instead of exploring his conflicts, they tell him what to do. When they are uncomfortable, they accuse him of “making” them feel what they don’t want to feel. A therapist said to her supervisor, “This patient puts her confusion into me.” The supervisor replied, “No, my dear. I’m afraid you are confused.”
We blame others for our feelings without first examining our own. If we don’t examine our feelings, we attribute them to another person. Then we equate that person with our belief: “Your blinking eyes mean you feel murderous rage.” Now we relate not to a person but to an idea in our head.
Rather than push others to fit our ideas, we must become receptive, allowing what is happening to push our ideas to fit what is real. A student asked about her patient, “What will she do next?” I said, “I don’t know. When therapists project what the patient will do, we avoid facing what we don’t know. Our job is to be open to what we don’t expect. If we’re not open, we predict, and prediction is a fancy word for therapist projection.”
We try to predict the future rather than live into it and discover the mystery of other people. By predicting, we control our anxiety about walking into the unknown. A man met a woman at a bar and asked for her number. Later he called her for a date, but she was distant and didn’t agree to go on a date. When I asked what he felt, he said, “I feel overwhelming desire for her. I know she will love me.” Of course, this was not “knowledge” but his belief. He didn’t love her. He loved how he wanted her to be. He acted as if his desire was so great he could make what is real turn unreal. He kept calling her until she blocked his number. He tried to control her to avoid feeling his anger and grief: “I’ve been rejected.” Controlling her meant he was at war with how she was. When he dropped his idea of how she “should” be, he stopped trying to control her and life. He became open to her, loss, and his feelings, embracing life as it was. Before, he thought he could reject the law of loss and rewrite reality. Then he let the loss and rage go through him. Instead of desiring what was not happening, he began to accept what was happening.
Instead of opening ourselves to life, we may fight it. Rather than open herself up to the patient in front of her, one therapist told patients they were “helpless, pitiful, crippled” or “filled with deep pathology.” They became toxic waste dumps for projections masquerading as interpretations.
When I, with my history of destructiveness, can speak to you as a fellow stumbler, I no longer shine the light on your pathology but on our shared humanity. When we place our problems in others, we try to control our crises there. Meanwhile, we forget that we judge in others what we reject in ourselves.
This man who loved the woman who rejected him believed she should love his wish instead of her wish. He judged her for rejecting him when he rejected her desire. He thought she had not given him a chance. In fact, he had not given her a chance. He needed to accept her rather than love his wish. He had such a good fantasy script for her. He believed she had rejected him when he had rejected her as she was.
When we no longer ask other people to live up to our ideals, we can be real with them and ourselves and stop fighting life. In gaslighting, we try to change reality or make others not see it so we can live in our wishing well. In life, we embrace how others are, not how we want them to be. Until then, we resist life, thinking that life resists us.
Can My Love Melt His Defenses?
If it did, no one would use defenses anymore. Psychiatrists from Bruno Bettelheim16 to Aaron Beck17 have said, “Love is not enough.” Why does this myth persist? It was our childhood strategy: “If I love mom and dad, they will love me.”
Love is powerful; but the door must be open for love to enter the house. When defenses close the door, no one can enter. The child thinks his parents’ hearts closed because of what he did. Blaming himself, he believes he must become a better boy, even more loving, for their hearts to open.
We still cherish that wish, hoping that if we are kind, others will be kind; if we are nice, they will be nice; if we love them, they will love us. Can love make facts go away?
Even in therapy we find this marriage of fantasies. A therapy website asks prospective patients, “What would your life be like if you had a father who knew how to love you and to guide you through different stages of your life? Would your heart be more open to love? Being re-fathered as an adult can be a nourishing experience for under-fathered men and women.” What a lovely fairy tale: a therapist offers me the love my father didn’t offer, and my past losses are magically eliminated.
Who has not hoped that love in the present could erase pain in the past? We wish love could do magic, and faced with enormous pain, therapists can wish the same. A psychotherapist years ago invited patients to put on diapers, sit in his lap, and suck on a baby bottle. He tried to reparent them to undo parental failures.
Alas, what is lost is lost. Refathering, remothering, and reparenting are not therapy but magic, attempts to fill the void in the past with fantasies in the present. We can’t make the dead alive. We can’t rewind and rerecord the DVD of life. Unable to wipe out the past, we can only create a better present, accepting loss as part of life.
While we wish we could erase the pain of the past through love, we must face the limitations of life, loss, and death so real healing can occur. Therapy cannot replace what we lost, but it can help us let go of our barriers to love. Then we can mourn what was impossible in the past to form what is possible today.
It is impossible to melt defenses with love. Love is not water, and defenses are not ice. Trying to melt defenses with love is like trying to light a fire while our partner throws water on it. In this blind love, we don’t see the whole person, only the part we want. Rather than embrace the fact—for example, “he rejects me”—we love the qualities we want and ignore the person we find. This is not a heroic act but hatred of the person. We try to become larger than reality through omnipotence: “I will make you love me while you reject me.”
Trying to make anyone love us is not love but violence. We try to kill the person we meet and love the one we want. In fact, we don’t love him. We love the fantasy we want him to become.
We wish our love were enough to heal, but if defenses close the door then love cannot enter. If our hearts are not open, we must open them. But if the doors of others are closed, we must go to other doors, open doors, where love can finally walk in.
你好吗？我还好，你好吗？我不好呀。
I don't really know what to type right now, so I'm going to type this instead.
¿Acaso no sabes de dónde viene el nombre Candela? Este nombre proviene del griego, y significa sujeta pechos. Las candelas suelen ser más atrevidas, más extrovertidas y más salidas de lo que puede ser una persona normal. Una persona llamada Candela puede tener serios problemas de retrasos, es decir les cuesta captar información y procesarla. Pero aun así hay que tratarlas con respeto e igualdad.
Había una casa en el monte Turruñuelo, donde vivían una pareja de lesbianas. Estaban retenidas en ese monte ya que no podían ir a la ciudad por su pasión por las vaginas. Un día una de las chicas llamada Candela, decidió escapar a la ciudad. En la ciudad ella sintió un aroma heterosexual, todos miraban a Candela con deseo, pero lo que nadie sabía era que le gustaban las vaginas. Candela confesó su gusto sexual y todos los ciudadanos quedaron sorprendidos ante su confensión y por su gran belleza optaron por aceptar la ley LGTBI y Candela y su amante pudieron vivir en la ciudad felices y contentas.
Heute hat hier vielleicht nicht jeder viel Vermögen ihnen Hand von heute vor ich vermehren ich vielleicht von Licht ihrer nicht doch noch ihren hoch heute ich hier hätte vermeiden hätte hier welche ich Halt Fahrradkette vor viermal Vogel noch verweilen Seuche durch Himmel hart Vogelscheuche voll hat Hütte vor doch Halter vom Hinterhalt Hut von Hering vertreiben Lurch Hagebutte ich Heinkel voll verschenken Henkel Vorgarten vermeiden doch welcher nicht hierfür ich wertvoll Loch verzögern
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Untuk besok tersedia di jam 09.00, 14.00, 15.00, 16.00, 19.00 dan 20.00 Kak. Bagaimana Kak terkait dengan rencana treatmentnya? Magi sarankan untuk Konsultasi terlebih dahulu ya Kak agar dilakukan pengecekan untuk gigi Kakak dan ditentukan treatment yang cocok untuk kondisi gigi Kakak. Apakah informasi yang Magi berikan sudah jelas atau ada lagi yang dapat Magi bantu Kak? Magi bantu sampaikan kembali ke klinik Kak. Kakak rencana ingin ke Cabang mana Kak? Untuk konsultasi 99rb ya Kak, namun akan di gratiskan jika dilakukan tindakan di hari tersebut. Sudah termasuk untuk biaya dokternya ya Kak dan belum termasuk dengan rontgen. Untuk rontgennya estimasi 250rb-500rb ya Kak. Boleh dibantu melampirkan foto rontgen panoramic/cephalometri Kakak untuk Magi bantu teruskan ke cabang Sawangan Depok ya Kak. Terkait jadwal pemasangan kawat gigi nantinya akan diinformasikan oleh cabang Sawangan Depok melalui Whatsapp ya Kak. Sehingga untuk hari ini belum bisa Kak. Estimasi biaya tambal gigi depan 600rb - 1 juta dan tambal gigi belakang 500rb - 850rb tergantung besar kecilnya lubang ya Kak. Jika Magi bantu jadwalkan hari Minggu, 17 Maret 2024 pukul 16:00 apakah berkenan Kak? Mohon maaf hari ini jadwal drg. Patrick pukul 19:00 sudah terisi pasien ya Kak. Tersedia jadwal pukul 12:30 dan 17:00 saja Kak. Kontrol Kawat gigi dengan drg spesialis ortho 300rb per visit Kak . Benar Kak yang di diskon 50% untuk gigi kedua ya Kakak.
এতে বলা হয়েছে, কোনো কোম্পানিকে দরপত্রে অংশ নিতে হলে নিজ দেশের বাইরে অন্তত একটি কাজের অভিজ্ঞতা থাকতে হবে। দিনে অন্তত ১৫ হাজার ব্যারেল তেল বা ১৫ কোটি ঘনফুট গ্যাস উৎপাদনের অভিজ্ঞতা লাগবে। ঠিকাদার হতে চাইলে দুটি কোম্পানি মিলে অংশীদারত্ব কোম্পানি গঠন করতে পারবে। তবে কোনো একটির অন্তত শর্ত পূরণের যোগ্যতা থাকতে হবে। অগভীর সমুদ্রে বাংলাদেশ পেট্রোলিয়াম এক্সপ্লোরেশন অ্যান্ড প্রোডাকশন কোম্পানির (বাপেক্স) ১০ শতাংশ মালিকানা সংরক্ষিত থাকবে।
Первый Куплет: Банд'Эрос Я иду, как во сне, но как добраться к тебе? Может голос с небес поможет с картой и без. И я, как в темном лесу, наковыряю в носу. Я весь мир обойду, я весь мир обойду. Беспрепятственно Беспрепятственно Второй. Я как элитный виноград, я не знаю преград. Я превращаюсь в вино и мне уже все равно. Хоть бутылкой красивой, хоть посылкой счастливой. Долечу-донесусь, я весь мир обойду. Беcпрепятственно Преодолевая расстояния, я уже не знаю то что я не я. Но я найду тебя, как во сне. Я знаю есть короткая дорога к тебе, дорога к тебе, Короткая дорога к тебе, дорога к тебе. Короткая дорога к тебе. Я иду, как во сне, но как добраться к тебе? Может голос с небес поможет с картой и без. И я, как в темном лесу, наковыряю в носу. Я весь мир обойду, я весь мир обойду. Беcпрепятственно умм Преодолевая расстояния, я уже не знаю то что я не я. Но я найду тебя, как во сне. Я знаю есть короткая дорога к тебе, дорога к тебе. Короткая дорога к тебе, дорога к тебе. Короткая дорога к тебе. Мне подскажет чувство шестое, что тосковать о минувшем не стоит. У сожженных мостов стов, все карты на стол, хватит сложных историй. Счастье в чем то простом, ты в Москве, я в Ростове. Crazy love story, разминулись с тобою раз сто. Улетай хоть во Владивосток, но мой жар твое сердце растопит. На одной из частот изучать я настроен. Глубину твоих глаз, как Жак-Ив Кусто. Выражаю восторг и намерен добраться с тобою до дна той бутылки, пардон. Беспрепятственно умм. Преодолевая расстояния, я уже не знаю то что я не я. Но я найду тебя, как во сне. Я знаю есть короткая дорога к тебе, дорога к тебе. Короткая дорога к тебе, дорога к тебе. Короткая дорога к тебе.
I hug my knees, I squeeze my waist; there's so much that I want to change. Yes, lately I've been thinking 'bout the ways to rearrange my face - I wanna cut pieces off. Looking in the mirror, want to take a pair of scissors. Sadly, dear, I wanna cut pieces off.
Lemon Chicken
Walnut Chicken
Chicken Broccoli
Chicken Vegetable
Almond Chicken
Cashew Chicken
Kung Pao Chicken
Fried Wontons
Fried Shrimp
Egg Roll
Spring Roll w.Meat
Spring Roll w.Vegetable
Chesse Rangoon
Pan Fried Dumplings
Beef Kabob
Appetizer Sampler
Chicken Lettuce Wrap
Edamame
Hot & Sour Soup
Corn Egg Drop Soup
Wonton Soup
War Wonton Soup(For 2)
Seafood Vegetable Soup(For 2)
Vegetable Tofu Soup(For 2)
Steam Broccoli / Brown Sauce Broccoli
Side/Mushroom
Side/Plain Lo Mein
Typing competition is super
Typing competition is super
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Négation d'un verbe:
Geen est utilisé avec des verbes à l'infinitif ou au participe passé.
Niet est utilisé avec tous les autres temps verbaux.
Exemples:
Geen tijd hebben. (Ne pas avoir le temps.) - Don't have time.
Niet naar de winkel zijn geweest. (Ne pas être allé au magasin.) - Didn't go to the store.
De brief nog niet hebben geschreven. (Ne pas avoir encore écrit la lettre.) - Haven't written the letter yet.
Négation d'un nom:
Geen est utilisé devant les noms non dénombrables et les noms pluriels.
Niet est utilisé devant les noms dénombrables au singulier.
Exemples:
Geen water. (Pas d'eau.) - No water.
Geen bloemen. (Pas de fleurs.) - No flowers.
Geen hond. (Pas de chien.) - No dog.
Négation d'un adjectif:
Niet est utilisé devant tous les adjectifs.
Exemples:
Niet groot. (Pas grand.) - Not big.
Niet mooi. (Pas beau.) - Not beautiful.
Niet lekker. (Pas bon.) - Not tasty.
Négation d'un adverbe:
Niet est utilisé devant tous les adverbes.
Exemples:
Niet hard. (Pas fort.) - Not hard.
Niet snel. (Pas vite.) - Not fast.
Niet goed. (Pas bien.) - Not well.
Négation d'une phrase entière:
Geen ne peut pas être utilisé pour nier une phrase entière.
Niet est utilisé avant le verbe pour nier une phrase entière.
Exemples:
Ik ga niet naar de bioscoop. (Je ne vais pas au cinéma.) - I am not going to the cinema.
Zij is niet thuis. (Elle n'est pas à la maison.) - She is not at home.
Wij hebben geen zin om te koken. (Nous n'avons pas envie de cuisiner.) - We don't feel like cooking.
Choix entre "niet" et "geen":
Niet est utilisé pour nier un verbe, un adjectif, un adverbe ou une phrase entière.
Geen est utilisé pour nier un nom non dénombrable, un nom pluriel ou un verbe à l'infinitif ou au participe passé.
En cas de doute, il est préférable d'utiliser "niet".
