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Barack Obama
Hello my name is Barack Obama (President of United States) 1,000 years ago sorry I’m …

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Taylor Swift - Sea Urchin
You can't see a sea urchin, if you step on one, then you have to go into the emergency room and get it surgically removed. You could lose your foot, you could lose your hand, you could lose your hand trying to get it off your foot.

Phil Dunphy - Who burned the couch?
I guess the couch did it to itself. I guess it came home after a tough day, lit up a cigarette and burned itself. Is that what happened? Because that makes no sense.

Mitchell Pritchett - Growing up
This is the funny thing about growing up. For years and years everybody is desperately afraid to be different in any way. And then suddenly, almost overnight, everybody wants to be different.

Cameron Tucker - Dreamers and Realist
You see, the dreamers need the realist to keep them from soaring too close to the sun. And the realist? Well, without the dreamers, they might not ever get off the ground.

Taylor Swift - All too well
Well, maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much, but maybe this thing was a masterpiece until you tore it all up. Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well.