Teddy Who
- Toilet Humour
Is it just my family that likes to use the term "Hollywood ending" to describe the satisfaction of wiping after a poop to discover it left the toilet paper clean? We also like to shout "hurry up, I have a turtle's head poking out!" whilst banging on the bathroom door when we really need to go. "I'm touching cloth" is another. We play a game called "guess the fart," when you feel a fart coming, you say "guess the fart" then everyone makes the sound they think your fart will sound like.
River Song
Those reports of the sun spots and the solar flares. They're wrong. There aren't any. It's not the sun, it's you. The sky is full of a million, million voices saying yes, of course we'll help. You've touched so many lives, saved so many people. Did you think when your time came, you'd really have to do more than just ask? You've decided that the universe is better off without you, but the universe doesn't agree.
Snuffles
- Stop Inbreeding Dogs
Tell me, Summer, if a human was born with stumpy legs, would they breed it with another deformed human and put their children on display like the Dachshund?
Maurice Moss (The IT Crowd)
Prepare to put mustard on those words, for you will soon be consuming them along with this slice of humble pie, that comes direct from the oven of shame, set at gas mark egg on your face.
11th doctor
Hey do you mind if I tell you a story? One you might not have heard? All the elements in your body were forged many, many millions of years ago, in the heart of a far away star that exploded and died. That explosion scattered those elements across the desolations of deep space. After so, so many millions of years, these elements came together to form new stars and new plants. And on and on it went. The elements came together and burst apart, forming shoes and ships and sealing-wax and cabbages a.
Douglas Adams
- Space
My absolute favorite piece of information is the fact that young sloths are so inept that they frequently grab their own arms and legs instead of tree limbs, and fall out of trees.
Chris Carter / Cigarette Smoking Man
Life... is like a box of chocolates - A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for. Unreturnable, because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So, you're stuck with this undefinable whipped-mint crap that you mindlessly wolf down when there's nothing else left to eat. Sure, once in a while, there's a peanut butter cup or an English toffee. But they're gone too fast, and the taste is... fleeting. So you end up with nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly.
Chris Carter/Cigarette Smoking Man
That's the world we live in, Monica. Every day a new disaster, when the one thing no one is prepared for will wipe the slate clean. We refuse to imagine our impending extinction, the acceleration of the cataclysms. We've thrown science out the window in favor of scandal and opinion and cant and all manner of ridiculous untruths. Civilization a joke, and my plan merely the punch line.
