Children of the Mind - Orson Scott Card
You're the childhood innocence he thinks he lost, but here is the truth about that: before they ever took him away from his parents, before he ever went up to that Battle School in the sky, before they made a perfect killing machine of him, he was already the brutal, ruthless killer that he always feared he was. It's one of the things that even Ender pretended it wasn't so: He killed a boy before he ever became a soldier.
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