Children of the Mind - Orson Scott Card
Even though I know the necessity of helping Ender let go of this body by making this an unbearable place for him to stay, it doesn't change the fact that I'll remember saying it, I'll remember the way she looks now, weeping with despair and pain. How can I live with that? I thought I was deformed before. All I had wrong with me then was brain damage. But now - I couldn't have said any of these things to her if I hadn't thought them. There's the rub.
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