Assessee is supplier of electricity a notified tariff rate. The sale price included Advance Against Depreciation (AAD) which is shown by assessee as sales in its profit and loss account. While computing the book profit, assessee deducted the AAD component from total sale price and took only balance amount into the profit and loss account. According to the Authority for Advance Rulings, reduction of AAD from the sales was reserve which had to be added back on the basis of Clause (b) of Explanation-I to Section 115JB of the Income Tax Act, 1961.
On reading it is clear that to make an addition under clause (B), the two conditions which must be jointly satisfied are that there must be a debit of the amount to the profit and loss account and the amount so debited must be carried to the reserve. Since the amount of AAD is reduced from sales, there is no debit in the profit and loss account. The amount did not enter the stream of income fro the purposes of determination of net profit at all, hence clause (b) of Explanation-I was not applicable. There are broadly two types of reserves, those that are routed through profit and loss account, for example, a Capital Reserve such a share Premium Account. AAD is not a reserve. It is not appropriation of profits. It is an amount that is under obligation, right from the inception, to get adjusted in the future, hence, cannot be designated as a reserve. It is nothing but an adjustment by reducing the normal depreciation includible in the future years in such a manner that at the end of useful life of the Plant (which is normally 30 years) the same would be reduced to nil. Keeping in view the facts the total profit and loss account will be different from the above. In fact, Schedule-XII A to the balance sheet for the financial years 2004-05 onwards indicated recouping. AAD “income received in advance”. It is a timing difference and represents adjustment in future which is in built in the mechanism notified by the Income-Tax Department.
Passage 10
The respondent, who was employed as a teacher under the Government of Haryana, claimed advance increments in terms of Punjab Government Memo dated 1st September, 1960. The Director of Secondary Education, Haryana rejected the claim on the premise that in terms of Rule, 10 of the Punjab Education Service Class-III (School Cadre) Rules, 195, the pay scales of the teachers were subject to variation from time to time, and since the State of Haryana revised the pay scales of various categories of teachers w.e.f. 1st December, 1967, Memo dated 1st September, 1960 stood superseded. He also observed that higher start of pay with advance increments for post graduate qualification was provided only to Masters or Mistresses and not to other categories of teachers. The High Court allowed the writ petitions and directed that the respondent be given advance increments in terms of the Punjab Government Memo and the letter of the Government of Haryana. Aggrieved, the State of Haryana filed the appeal.
The teachers employed under the Government of Haryana could claim benefit of the higher pay scales, advance increments etc. in terms of the policy decision taken by the Government of undivided Punjab and instructions issued by it only till the revision of their pay scales, which were made effective from 1st December, 1967 and not thereafter. The question of revision of pay scales of the teachers employed under the Government of Haryana was considered by the Education Commission which is also known as Kothari Commission. The recommendations made by that Commission were accepted by the President of India and were implemented by the State Government with effect from 1st December, 1967. After revision of the pay scales of various categories of teachers, the Government of Haryana issued instructions for grant of monetary benefits in the for of personal pay to those Government servants who improved their qualifications by undertaking further studies within the country and abroad. Further, by letter, all the existing instructions were superseded and fresh instructions were issued on the subject. However, the decisions contained in letter and other related communications were withdrawn by the State Government by their letter. The High Court erred in accepting the plea of the respondents that revision of the pay scales of teachers with the retrospective date did not result in automatic super-session of the existing policy decisions.
Passage 11
It was further pointed out, that even though the petitioner was advised to improve inter-personal relationship and team work skills, her overall assessment was evaluated a –‘very good’.
The next component of the writ petition is devoted to the allegations levelled against respondent no. 3 – Justice ‘A’. It is asserted, that on 8th September, 2011, the wife of the Chief Judicial Magistrate of X called the petitioner on her land line. During her conversation, she informed the petitioner, that respondent no. 3- Justice ‘A’, was eager that the petitioner should perform a dance on an “item-song” on the occasion of ladies sangeet (on 10th December 2011) during the festivities of the 25th marriage anniversary of respondent n. 3 It is also the assertion of the petitioner, that she politely refused the invitation by giving out that she had prior commitments, for that date. It is sought to be asserted by the petitioner, that for reasons of official protocol, she felt compelled to attend the main marriage anniversary celebration scheduled for 11th December. It is pointed out, that she ventured to do so in the company of her two daughters. It is alleged by the petitioner that on 11th December, 2011, respondent no. 3- Justice ‘A’ came close to her and whispered in her ear, that she missed the opportunity of viewing her secretary and beautiful figure dancing on the floor. It is the petitioner’s assertion, that respondent No. 3 also told the petitioner, that he wished she could see her dancing. The petitioner claims that she was appealed by the above behaviour of respondent no. 3, and therefore, she left the party along with her two daughters, with tears in her eyes.
The factual position narrated above, pertaining to the telephonic conversation with the wife of the Chief Judicial Magistrate has been denied by respondent no. 3. For this, respondent no. 3 has been denied by respondent no. 3. For this, respondent no. 3 has appended the affidavit of the wife of the Chief Judicial Magistrate, as Annexure R-16 with his counter-affidavit. In her affidavit, it is inter alia asserted, that she had neither called the petitioner on 8th December, 2001, nor had she told the petitioner that respondent no. 3- Justice ‘A’ was eager to watch her perform a dance on an “item-song”. The other assertions at the behest of the petitioner, narrated in the foregoing paragraph have been denied by respondent no. 3.
Cha cha cha-cha, Na na na na na
Cha-cha cha cha-cha, Na na na na na
Cha-cha cha cha-cha, Na na na na na
Cha-cha cha cha-cha, Na na na na na
Get off, get off
Rather, fall off
I'm not calling for You
Shut down, shut down
Shut your mouth
I'm not asking for your advice
Get off, get off
Right now, get off
You have no authority
Out of my way, out of my way
Obnoxious obstruction
If not, I'll get out my chainsaw
That thick and bloated rulebook is your own delusion
That self-righteous and condescending lecture, go ahead and say it to the mirror
That miserably ridiculous rulebook that you force on to others
Those hypocritical and corrupt standard of yours, let it go
Sayonara
Sayonara
Sayonara
Rotten RuLe, RuLe, RuLes
Sayonara
Sayonara
Sayonara
Twisted RuLe, RuLe, RuLes
Trash goes in the trash can
Junk belongs to the junk bin, please
Cha cha cha-cha, Na na na na na
Cha-cha cha cha-cha, Na na na na na
Cha-cha cha cha-cha, Na na na na na
Cha-cha cha cha-cha, Na na na na na
Get off, get off
Get off, this boat
You are nothing but a hazard
Shut down, shut down
Shut your mouth
I'm not asking for your advice
Fall down, Fall down
All the way to hell
There's no place for You anymore
Get out, get out
Pathetic obstruction
If not, I'll shoot, Headshot
That thick and bloated rulebook is your own hallucination
That self-disclosure in the name of criticism, go ahead and say it to the mirror
That miserably painted rulebook that you force on to others
Those hypocritical and corrupt standard of yours, rethink it
Sayonara
Sayonara
Sayonara
Your RuLe, RuLe, RuLes
Sayonara
Sayonara
Sayonara
Your own RuLe, RuLe, RuLes
Rotten RuLe, RuLe, RuLes
Twisted RuLe, RuLe, RuLes
Trash goes in the trash can
Junk belongs to the junk bin, please
Cha cha cha-cha, Na na na na na
Cha-cha cha cha-cha, Na na na na na
Cha-cha cha cha-cha, Na na na na na
Cha-cha cha cha-cha, Na na na na na
Cha-cha cha cha-cha
ⵍⵎⵖⵔⵉⴱ ⵏⵖ ⴰⵎⵓⵔ ⵏ ⵡⴰⴽⵓⵛ ⵏⵖ ⵎⵕⵕⵓⴽⵛ; ⵉⵙⵎ ⵏⵏⵙ ⴰⵎⴰⴷⴷⵓⴷ ⵙ ⵜⵓⵜⵍⴰⵢⵜ ⵜⴰⵎⴰⵣⵉⵖⵜ: ⵜⴰⴳⵍⴷⵉⵜ ⵏ ⵍⵎⵖⵔⵉⴱ. ⴷ ⵢⵉⵡⵏ ⵓⵡⴰⵏⴽ ⵉⵍⵍⴰⵏ ⴷⴳ ⵓⴳⴰⴼⴰ ⵓⵜⵔⵉⵎ ⵏ ⵜⴼⵔⵉⵇⵜ ⴷ ⵢⴰⵜ ⵙⴳ ⵜⵎⵓⵔⴰ ⵏ ⵜⵎⴰⵣⵖⴰ. ⵉⵎⵣⴷⴰⵖ ⵏⵙ ⴰⵔ ⵙⴰⵡⴰⵍⵏ ⵙ ⵜⵎⴰⵣⵉⵖⵜ ⴷ ⵜⴷⴰⵔⵉⵊⵜ, ⵜⴰⵎⴰⵥⵓⵏⵜ ⵏⵏⵙ ⴷ ⵕⵕⴱⴰⵟ, ⵜⴰⵎⴷⵉⵏⵜ ⴷⵉⴳⵙ ⴰⴽⴽⵯ ⵉⵎⵇⵇⵓⵔⵏ ⵜⴳⴰ ⵜⵜ ⵡⴰⵏⴼⴰ.
ⵜⴰⵙⵏⴰⵥⵖⵓⵕⵜ
ⵎⵓⵔⴰⴽⵓⵛ ⵉⴳⴰ ⴰⵣⴳⵣⵍ ⵏ ⵜⵡⵏⵏⵉⵜ ⵜⴰⵎⴰⵣⵉⵖⵜ ⴰⵎⵓⵔ ⵏ ⵡⴰⴽⵓⵛ, ⵜⴰⵡⵏⵏⵉⵜ ⴰⴷ ⵜⴼⴽⴰ ⴰⵡⴷ ⵉⵙⵎ ⵏ ⵜⵎⴷⵉⵏⵜ ⵏ ⵎⵕⵕⴰⴽⵛ.
ⵍⵎⵖⵔⵉⴱ ⵉⴳⴰ ⵉⵙⵎ ⴷ ⵉⴽⴽⴰⵏ ⴰⵏⵙⴰ ⵏ ⵓⵡⴰⵏⴽ ⴳ ⵓⵎⴰⴹⴰⵍ ⴰⵏⵙⵍⵎ ⵏⵖ ⴳ ⵓⵎⴰⴹⴰⵍ ⴰⵇⵇⴱⵓⵔ.
ⴰⵎⵓⵔ ⵏ ⵡⴰⴽⵓⵛ ⵙ ⵓⴳⵎⴰⵎ ⴳ
ⴰⵎⵓⵔ ⵏ ⵡⴰⴽⵓⵛ ⴷ ⵓⴳⵎⴰⵎ ⴷⴳ ⵜⵎⴰⴷⴷⴰⵙⵜ ⵏ ⵜⵎⵜⵜⴰ ⵉⵎⵓⵏⵏ ⵙⴳ 1956 ⴷ ⵜⵙⴷⴰⵡⵉⵜ ⵏ ⵜⵎⵓⵔⴰ ⵏ ⵡⴰⵄⵕⴰⴱⵏ ⵙⴳ 1958 ⴷ ⵜⵙⵎⵉⵍⵜ ⵜⴰⴳⵔⴰⵖⵍⴰⵏⵜ ⵏ ⵓⵍⴰⵎⴱⵢⴰⴷ ⴳ 1959 ⴷ ⵜⵎⴰⴷⴷⴰⵙⵜ ⵏ ⵓⴳⵔⴰⵡ ⵉⵎⵙⵍⵎⵏ ⴳ 1969 ⴷ, ⵜⵎⴰⴷⴷⴰⵙⵜ ⵜⴰⴳⵔⴰⵖⵍⴰⵏⵜ ⵜⴰⴼⵔⴰⵏⵙⴰⵡⵉⵜ ⴳ 1981 ⴷ ⵜⴰⵎⵓⵏⵜ ⵏ ⵜⵎⴰⵣⵖⴰ ⴳ 1989 ⴷ ⵜⴰⵔⴱⵉⵄⵜ ⵏ ⵓⵎⵙⴰⵡⴰⵍ ⵏ ⵜⵓⵥⵥⵓⵎⵜ ⴳ 1995 ⴷ ⵜⴰⵔⴰⴱⴱⵓⵜ ⵙⴰⵎⵔⴰⵡ ⴷ ⵙⴰ (77) ⵣⵉ 2003 ⴷ ⵜⴰⵎⴰⴷⴷⴰⵙⵜ ⵓⵎⵓⵍⵍⵉ ⴰⵟⵍⴰⵏⵜⵉ ⵏ ⵓⴳⴰⴼⴰ ⵣⵉ 2004 ⴷ ⵜⴰⵎⵓⵏⵜ ⵉ ⵓⴳⵔⴰⴽⴰⵍ ⵣⵉ 2008 ⵎⴰⵎⵛ ⴳⴳⵉⵏ ⴰⵎⵓⵔ ⵏ ⵡⴰⴽⵓⵛ ⴰⵎⵎ ⵓⴳⵎⴰⵎ ⴰⵎⴰⵢⵏⵓ ⵓⵔ ⵉⴷⵓⵎⵏ ⴳ ⵓⵙⵇⵇⵉⵎ ⵏ ⵓⴼⵔⴰ ⵉⴹⴼⴰⵕⵏ ⵉ ⵜⵎⵜⵜⴰ ⵉⵎⵓⵏⵏ ⵙⵉⵏ ⵉⵙⴳⴳⵡⴰⵙⵏ ⵣⵉ ⵢⵉⵏⵏⴰⵢⵔ 2012 ⴰⵔ ⴷⵓⵊⴰⵏⴱⵉⵔ 2013 .
ⵜⵉⵖⵔⵎⵉⵡⵉⵏ ⵏ ⵣⵉⴽⴽ
ⴳ ⵓⵎⵣⵔⵓⵢ ⴰⵣⴰⵢⴽⵓ ⴷⵉ ⵜⵙⵓⵜⵉⵜ ⵜⴰⵎⵣⵡⴰⵔⵓⵜ ⴷⴰⵜ ⵓⵎⵣⵔⵓⵢ ⴳⴳⵉⵏ ⵉⵎⴰⵣⵉⵖⵏ ⵜⴰⴳⵍⴷⵉⵜ ⴳ ⵢⵉⵍⵍ ⴰⵎⵍⵍⴰⵍ ⴰⵏⴰⵎⵎⴰⵙ, ⵢⵜⵡⴰⵙⵙⵏ ⵙ ⵎⵓⵔⵉⵟⴰⵏⵢⴰ, ⵜⴰⴳⵍⴷⵉⵜ ⴰⴷ ⵜⴱⴹⴰ ⴳ ⵓⵙⴳⴳⴰⵙ 40 ⴰⵔ ⵙⵉⵏ ⵏ ⵜⵉⴳⵍⴷⵉⵢⵉⵏ ⴷⵉ ⵉⵥⵥⵍⵎⴹ ⵏ ⵓⵎⵓⵔ ⵏ ⵡⴰⴽⵓⵛ ⴰⵎⵓⵔ ⵏ ⵜⴰⵏⵉⵜ.
ⴰⵣⵎⵣ ⴰⵇⴱⵓⵔ
ⵉⵙⵙⵏ ⴰⵎⵓⵔ ⵏ ⵡⴰⴽⵓⵛ ⴳ ⵉⵣⵎⴰⵣ ⵉⵇⴱⵓⵔⵏ ⴰⵟⵟⴰⵙ ⵏ ⵜⵖⵔⵎⵉⵡⵉⵏ ⴷⴰⵜ ⵓⵎⵣⵔⵓⵢ ⴰⵎⵎ ⵜⴰⵖⵔⵎⴰ ⵏ ⵜⴰⵛⵓⵔⵉⵜ ( 700.000 ⵓⵙⴳⴳⴰⵙ ⴷⴰⵜ ⵓⵎⵣⵔⵓⵢ), ⵜⴰⵖⵔⵎⴰ ⵜⴰⵎⵓⵙⵜⵉⵔⵉⵜ (120.000 40.000 ⵓⵙⴳⴳⴰⵙ ⴷⴰⵜ ⵏ ⵜⵍⴰⵍⵉⵜ ⵏ ⵄⵉⵙⴰ), ⵜⴰⵖⵔⵎⴰ ⵜⴰⵄⴰⵜⵉⵔⵉⵜ( 20.000 40.000 ⵓⵙⴳⴳⴰⵙ ⴷⴰⵜ ⵓⵎⵣⵔⵓⵢ), ⴷ ⵜⴰⵖⵔⵎⴰ ⵜⵉⵍⵉⴱⵔⵓⵎⵓⵔⵉⵣⵉⵜ (21.000 ⵓⵙⴳⴳⵡⴰⵙ ⴷⴰⵜ ⵓⵎⵣⵔⵓⵢ).
ⴰⵣⵎⵣ ⴰⴽⵍⴰⵙⵉⴽⵉ
ⴳ ⵓⵣⵎⵣ ⴰⴽⵍⴰⵙⵉⴽⵉ ⵜⵍⵍⴰ ⵜⴰⵖⵔⵎⴰ ⵉⴼⵉⵏⵉⵇⵏ (ⵜⴰⵙⵓⵜⵉⵜ ⵜⵉⵙ ⵙⵉⵏ ⴷ ⵎⵔⴰⵡ ⴷⴰⵜ ⵓⵎⵣⵔⵓⵢ) , ⵜⴰⵖⵔⵎⴰ ⵜⵓⴱⵓⵏⵉⵇⵜ (ⵜⴰⵙⵓⵜⵉⵜ ⵡⵉⵙ ⵙⵎⵓⵙ ⴷⴰⵜ ⵏ ⵜⵍⴰⵍⵉⵜ ⵏ ⵄⵉⵙⴰ), ⵜⴰⵖⵔⵎⴰ ⵏ ⵓⵎⵓⵔ ⵏ ⵜⴰⵏⵉⵜ (ⵜⴰⵙⵓⵜⵉⵜ ⵡⵉⵙⵙ ⵙⵉⵏ ⴷⴰⵜ ⵓⵎⵣⵔⵓⵢ) , ⵜⴰⵖⵔⵎⴰ ⵏ ⵉⵔⵓⵎⴰⵏⵏ ( ⵜⴰⵙⵓⵜⵉⵜ ⵜⴰⵎⵣⵡⴰⵔⵓⵜ ⴷⴰⵜ ⵓⵎⵣⵔⵓⵢ) .
ⵜⵉⵎⵏⴰⴹⵉⵏ ⵏ ⵓⵎⵓⵔ ⵏ ⵡⴰⴽⵓⵛ
01 : ⵜⴰⵙⴳⴰ ⵏ ⵜⵉⵏⵊⵉⵙ ⵜⵉⵟⵟⴰⵡⵉⵏ ⵍⵃⵓⵙⵉⵎⴰ
02 : ⵜⴰⵙⴳⴰ ⵏ ⵓⴳⵎⵎⵓⴹ
03 : ⵜⴰⵙⴳⴰ ⵏ ⴼⴰⵙ ⴰⵎⴽⵏⴰⵙ
04 : ⵜⴰⵙⴳⴰ ⵏ ⵕⴱⴰⵟ ⵙⵍⴰ ⵇⵏⵉⵟⵕⴰ
ⴰⵎⵣⵔⵓⵢ
ⴰⵎⵓⵔ ⵏ ⵡⴰⴽⵓⵛ ⵉⴳⴰ ⵢⴰⵜ ⵜⵎⵓⵔⵜ ⵜⴰⵣⴰⵢⴽⵓⵜ ⵉⵜⵜⵢⴰⵡⵙⵙⴰⵏ ⴳ ⵉⴷⵍⵉⵙⵏ ⵏ ⵓⵎⵣⵔⵓⵢ, ⵓⵔⴰⵏ ⵖⵉⴼⵙ ⵉⴳⴰⵏ ⵏ ⵉⴷ ⴱⵓⵎⵣⵔⵓⵢ ⵙⴳ ⴰⴽⴽⵯ ⵉⵡⴰⵏⴽⵏ ⴷ ⵜⵉⵖⵔⵎⴰ ⵢⴰⴹⵏⵉⵏ, ⵓⵔⴰⵏ ⵖⵉⴼⵙ ⵉⴷ ⴱⵓⵎⵣⵔⵓⵢ ⵏ ⵉⵎⵉⵚⵕⵉⵢⵏ, ⵉⴳⵔⵉⴽⵏ, ⵉⴼⵉⵏⵉⵇⵏ, ⵉⵔⵓⵎⴰⵏⵉⵢⵏ ⴷ ⵉⵎⵓⵙⵍⵎⵏ. ⴽⵓ ⵜⴰⵖⵔⵎⴰ ⴷⴰⵔⵙ ⵜⴰⵏⵏⴰⵢⵜ ⵏⵏⵙ ⵅⴼ ⵜⵎⴰⵣⵉⵔⵜ ⵏ ⵓⵎⵓⵔ ⵏ ⵡⴰⴽⵓⵛ, ⴽⵓ ⵜⴰⵖⵔⵎⴰ ⴰⵔ ⵜⵙⵡⴰⵍⴰ ⴰⵎⵓⵔ ⵏ ⵡⴰⴽⵓⵛ ⵉ ⵜⴰⵙⴳⴰ ⵏⵏⵙ, ⴰⵛⴽⵓ ⴽⵓ ⵜⴰⵖⵔⵎⴰ ⴷⴰⵔⵙ ⵉⵡⵜⵜⴰⵙⵏ ⵉⵙⵔⵜⴰⵏ ⵏⵏⵙ, ⵣⵓⵏ ⵉⵕⵓⵎⵉⵏ ⴰⵔ ⵙⵡⴰⵍⴰⵏ ⵍⵎⵖⵔⵉⴱ ⵉ ⵉⵕⵓⵎⵉⵏ, ⵉⵎⵓⵙⵍⵎⵏ ⴷ ⵏⵜⵜⵏⵉ ⴰⵔ ⵙⵡⴰⵍⴰⵏ ⴰⵎⵓⵔ ⵏ ⵡⴰⴽⵓⵛ ⵉ ⵢⴰⵎⴰⵏ, ⵉⴼⵉⵏⵉⵇⵏ ⴰⵔ ⵙⵡⴰⵍⴰⵏ ⴰⵎⵓⵔ ⵏ ⵡⴰⴽⵓⵛ ⵉ ⴰⵛⴰⵎ, ⵎⴰⵛ ⴰⵎⵓⵔ ⵏ ⵡⴰⴽⵓⵛ ⴷⴰⵔⵙ ⵉⴷ ⴱⵓⵎⵣⵔⵓⵢ ⵏⵏⵙ ⵏⵏⴰ ⵖⵉⴼⵙ ⵉⵡⵔⴰⵏ ⴷ ⴰⵔ ⵜⵜⵉⵏⵉⵏ ⵎⴰⵙ ⵜⴰⵖⵔⵎⴰ ⵏ ⵓⵎⵓⵔ ⵏ ⵡⴰⴽⵓⵛ ⵓⵔ ⵜⴹⴼⴰⵕ ⵉ ⵉⵥⵥⵍⵎⴹ ⵓⵍⴰ ⵉ ⵓⴳⵎⵎⵓⴹ, ⴰⵎⵓⵔ ⵏ ⵡⴰⴽⵓⵛ ⵉⴳⴰ ⵜⴰⵎⴰⵣⵉⵔⵜ ⵜⴰⵇⵇⴱⵓⵕⵜ ⵙⴳ ⵣⵔⵉⵏ ⴽⵉⴳⴰⵏ ⵏ ⵜⵖⵔⵎⵉⵡⵉⵏ, ⵉⴳⴰⵏ:
ⵜⴰⵖⵔⵎⴰ ⵜⴰⵛⵓⵍⵉⵏⵉⵜ
ⵜⴰⵖⵔⵎⴰ ⵜⴰⵎⵓⵙⵜⵉⵔⵉⵜ
ⵜⴰⵖⵔⵎⴰ ⵜⴰⵄⴰⵜⵉⵔⵉⵜ
ⵜⴰⵖⵔⵎⴰ ⵜⴰⴱⵔⵓⵎⵓⵔⵉⵣⵉⵜ
ⵜⴰⵖⵔⵎⴰ ⵜⴰⴽⴰⵔⴷⵉⵏⴰⵍⵉⵢⵜ
ⵜⴰⵖⵔⵎⴰ ⵜⴰⵊⵉⵔⵙⵉⵜ
ⵜⴰⵖⵔⵎⴰ ⵜⴰⵇⴰⴱⵚⵉⵜ
ⴰⵎⵓⵔ ⵏ ⴰⵟⵍⴰⵙ
ⴰⵎⵓⵔ ⵏ ⵜⴰⵏⵉⵜ
ⵉⴱⴰⴽⴰⵡⴰⵜⵏ ⵉⵎⵓⵔⵉⵢⵏ
ⵜⴰⴳⵔⴰⵡⵍⴰ ⵏ ⵉⵎⴰⵣⵉⵖⵏ
ⵉⴱⵓⵔⵖⵡⴰⵟⵏ
ⴰⵢⵜ ⵏⴽⴽⵓⵕ
ⴰⵢⵜ ⵎⴷⵔⴰⵔ
ⴰⵢⵜ ⴷⵔⵉⵙ
ⵉⵎⵕⴰⴱⴹⵏ
ⵉⵎⵡⴰⵃⵃⴷⵉⵢⵏ
ⴰⵢⵜ ⵎⵔⵉⵏ
ⵉⵡⵟⵟⴰⵚⵏ
ⵉⵙⵄⴷⵉⵢⵏ
ⵉⵄⴰⵍⴰⵡⵉⵢⵏ
Mavuika: The Explanation
The next morning, I was looking for a video to watch, and I found a video about Mavuika. This is where the name came from.
“Think about the positive things in your dreams” This is what my mom told me to do when I told her about this whole thing.
“You can’t understand that it’s hard for me” It was hard for me to think about positive things.
“So please, let me explain my ways” I wanted to say that it wasn’t as easy as she thought it was.
“Let me tell you it’s me
The blame’s on me” It’s my fault for trying to overcome the fear I have of that thing.
“I’m too childish for this life
Too childish for this tonight
With my childish fears” I felt childish. I felt like a 12 year old shouldn’t be afraid of something that younger children watch and enjoy.
“I don’t deserve the flame” People have said that Mavuika’s hair can literally turn into fire.
“I don’t deserve to say your name tonight, Mavuika” = “I don’t deserve to know someone as cool as you, Mavuika”
“I don’t deserve to say anything
I don’t deserve to have anything
I deserve nothing, Mavuika” Exaggeration
“Familiar with this shade of red
It’s the shade of red from my nightmares” If you actually go onto the sprunki.org website and click on one of the mods, there’s probably going to be a red background
“The ones I fear” ones = characters from those mods
“I feel like no one, no one in the world would care” = “I feel like no one in the world would understand
“I don’t need to be held in your warm embrace” means that I don’t feel like I need to feel like my younger self again, but I like feeling like my younger self
“Mavuika, I don’t deserve this
I don’t deserve you
I deserve the [redacted] of lives
I don’t deserve it
I don’t deserve this
I deserve the [redacted] of nights
Nights” means that I feel like i should (and will) have a nightmare on the night that this song is talking about
“Mavuika (x32)”
Negative Effects of Music on Mental Health
Madison Williams
Rumination may involve continuously worrying about an upcoming test, or it could be started simply by the meaning of one song. I know this because I’ve had experience with it just because I listened to a song.
It all started when I was at the dinner table, trying to recall what songs I listened to when I was a 9 year old child. I remembered I liked listening to this one sped up version of a song called, “I Want You Here” by Plumb. I searched for that specific video I used to watch on YouTube, and I made the mistake of scrolling through the comments. People had said that the song was describing the feelings of a mother who had just found out she had a miscarriage, but it didn’t bother me that much, or at least it didn’t bother me at that moment.
I decided to put my phone down and listen to the song for the first time in about 3 years, and even though it reminded me of when I was younger, for some reason, I started to ask myself if there was an afterlife for that child. That’s where this story began.
That Friday, I had finished watching the first season of one of my favorite shows. I hadn’t thought about what I thought about the other day, but that all changed when I tried to go to sleep. When we go to sleep, some of us let ourselves think about random things, but for me, those random things weren’t the random things I liked to think about. I would usually think about an upcoming event I’m excited for, or maybe it would be one of my favorite characters from Genshin impact, but that night, I asked myself the same thing I did a few days ago.
“Where did that soul go? Where do we go when it’s time for us to leave this world? Heaven?” I asked myself over and over again. I looked up at the clock in my bedroom, and it said 10:51 PM. It was 51 minutes after I had turned off the lights, 51 minutes of me staying awake, 51 minutes of me worrying about something that was completely out of my control; what my cause of death would be and if there would be an afterlife for me. It got so bad to the point where I was literally shaking under the blanket. I couldn’t stop it, I could only wait until I fell asleep.
“Why am I even shaking? Why am I thinking about this? This is something that I shouldn’t be worrying about as a 12 year old, right?” I thought to myself. That was the same question I asked myself if I was supposed to have surgery the next day because I had needed multiple surgeries to the point where the number of surgeries was in the double digits, but this, I thought, was just me overreacting. I was still so young, I still had my whole life ahead of me, but that still didn’t stop me from worrying.
2 weeks later, and there I was, eating dinner with my fellow Girl Scout friends. We were at a campsite, having fun and creating memories, and even though we were creating new memories, I still thought about the same things I thought about on that one Friday night. Even though my mom was sitting right next to me, I decided to text her about the theory I had because I didn’t want anyone to worry about me or anything like that. I told her about how I thought that I was only worried about that sort of stuff because I didn’t really have anything to keep my mind off of that and about how I thought that those thoughts would stop once school started up again, but the first part wouldn’t make that much sense since I was at an event with my friends from Girl Scouts.
After we ate dinner, we found the people who were in our assigned groups, and we decided that we were going to give archery a try. I only gave it a few tries because once I shot my 4 arrows at the target, I would decide to stand in silence until we were allowed to pick up our arrows, and the few seconds I stood in silence were spent thinking about what my cause of death would be. This is what rumination is; dwelling on negative thoughts and feelings.
Later on in the night, we were all in our cabins, getting ready to sit by the campfire, sing, and make s’mores. I was jamming out to my own music, while my other friends were talking to each other. When I was listening to music that had some kind of a good vibe to it, I didn’t worry about anything, I just listened and enjoyed it. That’s what I liked about music.
I do like music sung by choirs, but while I listened to everyone sing around the campfire, it wasn’t as good as I remembered it to be. I would usually enjoy singing with my friends, but that night, it felt like it gave me a “this is the last song you’ll hear in your life” type of vibe. I knew it shouldn’t give me that kind of feeling, but I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about it, no matter how hard I tried.
Before I knew it, it was the next day. We would finally get to go back home. I was looking forward to going home not only because I could play on my phone whenever I wanted to, but because I was going to be able to distract myself from my thoughts. That was exactly what I did when I got home. I stayed in my room and watched YouTube on my TV most of the night, but then I decided to download Genshin Impact on my phone. It had been about a year or 2 since I had played it, and to be honest, I didn’t want to stop playing it, it was only because of the low storage on my Samsung Galaxy S9 that I stopped playing it.
One of the very first things I did in the game was trying to travel all the way to Fontaine since that was one of my favorite nations in Genshin Impact. There was a song called, “La Vaguelette” that came out at about the same time as version 4.2 of Genshin Impact, and I really liked that song. I liked it so much that I even made a cover of the song. I would sometimes sing along to the karaoke version of it, but there was one time where I was listening to the intro of the song and I started to feel something weird in my stomach, almost as if my body was having a negative reaction to the song. Maybe it was because there was a character in the game called Focalors who died in version 4.2 of Genshin Impact, so there was probably something behind my worries about the afterlife.
A few days later, I had an idea. I wanted to create a song about how I felt about my thoughts. It was what I usually did when I felt a negative thought or emotion towards something. I started out by using a MIDI device on BandLab to create the main chords of the song. I didn’t write any lyrics down, I just decided to let myself go in that song and describe exactly how I felt. When I was done, I named the song, “Crucabena”, the name of another deceased character in Genshin Impact, since I felt like that fit the song.
Crucabena: The Explanation
“I wish someone was able to tell me if there was a Heaven” As stated in some of the previous paragraphs, I worried about what was after death.
“I wish I could go back to when my innocence hadn’t ended” basically means I want to be a young child again.
“I wish I could go back to normal” means that I wish I didn’t worry about what happens after death
“I wish I could go back to me” means the same thing as #3
“I wish I could go back to being free” means that I wish I didn’t spend a third of my summer worrying about the afterlife
“I can’t go back to when I was younger, but I wish I was never truly done” means that I want to go back to when I was younger when I can’t, and I wish I could accept that
“I wish I could go back to Crucabena” means I want to go back in time, with the time being before one of my dogs died, so that I can show that I actually care
“I never paid attention to everything” means that there’s always something I’m noy paying attention to
“I didn’t pay attention to anything” means that I feel like I didn’t pay attention to the gravity of the moment when one of my dogs died
“I knew it was a death” means that I knew that dog would never be able to return to the world of the living
“But I just couldn’t let it slip into my childish brain” means that I will always think of my past self as more childish than who I am in the present
“Slip into those childish days when it wasn’t the end of my love for Monsieur Neuvillette” means that I couldn’t let the death of my dog affect me because I felt that my love for Neuvillette, or Monsieur Neuvillette, was more important. Now, I feel like I was foolish to think that because of course it’s not more significant than my dog. I’ve lived with that dog for my whole life up until September of 2023, and Neuvillette wasn’t even released until June or July of 2023.
“I wish I didn’t cry each time I said something” Around the time I started having those thoughts, I would come close to crying if I tried to talk about it.
“I wish I didn’t feel as if I was nothing” exaggeration
“I wish, and I’ll wish for me” means that I won’t lose hope
“Why am I like this sometimes” is me asking myself why I’m childish sometimes
“Why do I even try to wish for my own sanity” is just me contradicting myself and saying I might lose hope
“I can heal and go back to normal” means that I have realized that I’m not stuck worrying and that time isn’t set in stone
“I can heal and go back to me” means the same thing as #18
“Someday I will feel somewhat free” means that I know I will feel like myself again
“I accept I’m not getting any younger, and maybe I’m not truly done” means that I have realized that it’ll be hard to live in the present, but I have accepted it
“I accept I can’t go back to Crucabena” means that I have accepted that nobody will come back from the dead
“At least I have Furina” When I say Furina, I mean the good things in life. This line means that at least there are still good things in life
I think that’s one thing that pushed me back into playing that game. Ever since that one random day when I decided to start playing Genshin Impact again, I’ve regained my love for Fontaine and everything else. I no longer have those worries, and (maybe) the good thing is I got an experience and a song out of it.
What I didn’t know when I was making the song is that I would want to make a lot of revisions to the song. Some lines were revised into new ones, while others were just discarded.
Crucabena: Discarded Lines
“I wish he never hated me” When I say he, I am referring to someone on the internet, and that doesn’t really fit in with the meaning of the song
“I wish he never lied to me” Same thing as #1
“I wish he never called me what Vox called Alastor” The reason I said I regained my love for Fontaine is because I didn’t love Fontaine as much as I currently do back when I was worrying about this, I liked another show (which I will not be mentioning).
“I wish, and I’ll wish for Clervie” Clervie is another deceased character, but I didn’t feel like saying that because of the fact that the whole song would become something else if I said that. See the next few discarded lines for more details.
“I wish I could actually care” While this was a good line, I only said this so that it would rhyme with whatever #6 says.
“I wish you’d listen to me, Peruere” Remember when I said the song was going to become something else? It would turn into me talking to Arlecchino (another Genshin character) if I didn’t revise the lines
“When I only loved Freminet / Freminet and Neuvillette” I had to say Freminet using the incorrect pronunciation for the line to rhyme with Neuvillette.
Mavuika: The Backstory
Apparently there’s something new called Sprunki that’s popular within the generation that is known as Gen Alpha, which is one of the generations I am a part of. Despite this being one of the new things that my generation likes, I would probably say that it’s definitely not something they should be watching on YouTube. This “Sprunki” thing I am talking about is a game that’s supposed to be kind of like Incredibox, which is another sound box game, but creepier than that.
This whole thing started on what would have been just another Thursday. I was eating breakfast and scrolling through my YouTube feed, until I came across one of those YouTube Lives that would show up as Shorts. I usually scrolled past the Live if it wasn’t something I was interested in, but I was curious to see what the livestreamer was playing.
The person streaming wrote something on an online canvas, telling the viewers what to search for if they wanted to play around with the sounds themselves, and just like the music-loving girl I was, I went to Google and searched for it.
It was kind of cool at first, so I decided to see what other “mods” they had. There was some kind of “infected” mod, and even though it had warnings at the beginning, I still wanted to play around with it and see what I could create. Little did I know, it would start to creep me out shortly after that, so I closed out of the app and continued watching other YouTube Shorts. There was no way to disable the feature that would let those live streams pop up on my Shorts feed, so if I scrolled through my feed, I would probably see something related to that.
One day, I decided to try and watch that thing again, hoping to overcome the fear of it, but that just made it worse. Just like that night after watching the last episode of one of my favorite shows, I was shaking in my bed. I wasn’t able to go to sleep until 30 minutes after I started shaking.
Mavuika: The Explanation
The next morning, I was looking for a video to watch, and I found a video about Mavuika. This is where the name came from.
“Think about the positive things in your dreams” This is what my mom told me to do when I told her about this whole thing.
“You can’t understand that it’s hard for me” It was hard for me to think about positive things.
“So please, let me explain my ways” I wanted to say that it wasn’t as easy as she thought it was.
“Let me tell you it’s me
The blame’s on me” It’s my fault for trying to overcome the fear I have of that thing.
“I’m too childish for this life
Too childish for this tonight
With my childish fears” I felt childish. I felt like a 12 year old shouldn’t be afraid of something that younger children watch and enjoy.
“I don’t deserve the flame” People have said that Mavuika’s hair can literally turn into fire.
“I don’t deserve to say your name tonight, Mavuika” = “I don’t deserve to know someone as cool as you, Mavuika”
“I don’t deserve to say anything
I don’t deserve to have anything
I deserve nothing, Mavuika” Exaggeration
“Familiar with this shade of red
It’s the shade of red from my nightmares” If you actually go onto the sprunki.org website and click on one of the mods, there’s probably going to be a red background
“The ones I fear” ones = characters from those mods
“I feel like no one, no one in the world would care” = “I feel like no one in the world would understand
“I don’t need to be held in your warm embrace” means that I don’t feel like I need to feel like my younger self again, but I like feeling like my younger self
“Mavuika, I don’t deserve this
I don’t deserve you
I deserve the [redacted] of lives
I don’t deserve it
I don’t deserve this
I deserve the [redacted] of nights
Nights” means that I feel like i should (and will) have a nightmare on the night that this song is talking about
“Mavuika (x32)”
In Your Nightmares Tonight: The Explanation
“I’ve tried to overcome that fear for you” means that I have tried to listen and watch it
“But I don’t really know what to do” means that I don’t know what to do to overcome that fear I have when I watch it
“Maybe you can tell me to think about Raiden Ei” This song was written right after I finished the Inazuma Archon Quest
“Or maybe think about Fontaine” Fontaine is my favorite Genshin Impact nation, so that’s the thing I want to dream about
“You say that Sprunki’s funky, and it’s not that scary when
You get used to it” The kids in the live chat don’t act like they’re being traumatized, so they either don’t know what it’s like to be traumatized by it or they’re not showing that they actually do know
“But you don’t know that when I’m shaking in my bed, thinking of Neuvillette
And Wriothesley, but I can’t get it out of my head” I was trying to think of Neuvillette and Wriothesley to calm my brain down on that one specific night
Focalors…?: The Explanation
There is no background information because the background information has already been explained; Version 4.2 of Genshin Impact. (See paragraph 6 on page 2)
“Why do I care more if it’s you?” This song is sung as if I am directly talking to Focalors. I’m basically asking Focalors why I care more about her (and Fontaine) more than anything else in the moment.
“Why do I care more if it’s not true?” I’m asking Focalors why I care more for Furina, who isn’t actually the Hydro Archon.
“Why do I care more about an Archon?” = asking Focalors why I care more about her (again).
“Why do I care more if you die?” This is kind of like some of the lines in Crucabena; I cried when watching Focalors’ death cutscene, but I didn’t cry when my actual dog died.
“Why do I care more if Furina lied?” Again, I’m asking Focalors why I care more about Furina.
“Why do I care enough to write a song?” I’m asking Focalors why I wrote this song.
“Focalors?
I can’t take this anymore” I’m telling Focalors that I can’t not feel sad at the mention of Fontaine’s prophecy
“Isn’t it so lovely?
Why is this a part of the prophecy?” I’m asking Focalors why it had to be the way it was
“How does this finale end?
It ends in pain and tears that have been penned “
Why do I feel like I’m the mistake?
The mistake who only knows how to love Fontaine
It’s your nation, but why am I so loyal?
It was a dog’s death, why wasn’t it awful?
I feel so selfish, I feel so cold
How come it’s only you I know?
Negative Effects of Music on Mental Health
Madison Williams
Rumination may involve continuously worrying about an upcoming test, or it could be started simply by the meaning of one song. I know this because I’ve had experience with it just because I listened to a song.
It all started when I was at the dinner table, trying to recall what songs I listened to when I was a 9 year old child. I remembered I liked listening to this one sped up version of a song called, “I Want You Here” by Plumb. I searched for that specific video I used to watch on YouTube, and I made the mistake of scrolling through the comments. People had said that the song was describing the feelings of a mother who had just found out she had a miscarriage, but it didn’t bother me that much, or at least it didn’t bother me at that moment.
I decided to put my phone down and listen to the song for the first time in about 3 years, and even though it reminded me of when I was younger, for some reason, I started to ask myself if there was an afterlife for that child. That’s where this story began.
That Friday, I had finished watching the first season of one of my favorite shows. I hadn’t thought about what I thought about the other day, but that all changed when I tried to go to sleep. When we go to sleep, some of us let ourselves think about random things, but for me, those random things weren’t the random things I liked to think about. I would usually think about an upcoming event I’m excited for, or maybe it would be one of my favorite characters from Genshin impact, but that night, I asked myself the same thing I did a few days ago.
“Where did that soul go? Where do we go when it’s time for us to leave this world? Heaven?” I asked myself over and over again. I looked up at the clock in my bedroom, and it said 10:51 PM. It was 51 minutes after I had turned off the lights, 51 minutes of me staying awake, 51 minutes of me worrying about something that was completely out of my control; what my cause of death would be and if there would be an afterlife for me. It got so bad to the point where I was literally shaking under the blanket. I couldn’t stop it, I could only wait until I fell asleep.
“Why am I even shaking? Why am I thinking about this? This is something that I shouldn’t be worrying about as a 12 year old, right?” I thought to myself. That was the same question I asked myself if I was supposed to have surgery the next day because I had needed multiple surgeries to the point where the number of surgeries was in the double digits, but this, I thought, was just me overreacting. I was still so young, I still had my whole life ahead of me, but that still didn’t stop me from worrying.
2 weeks later, and there I was, eating dinner with my fellow Girl Scout friends. We were at a campsite, having fun and creating memories, and even though we were creating new memories, I still thought about the same things I thought about on that one Friday night. Even though my mom was sitting right next to me, I decided to text her about the theory I had because I didn’t want anyone to worry about me or anything like that. I told her about how I thought that I was only worried about that sort of stuff because I didn’t really have anything to keep my mind off of that and about how I thought that those thoughts would stop once school started up again, but the first part wouldn’t make that much sense since I was at an event with my friends from Girl Scouts.
After we ate dinner, we found the people who were in our assigned groups, and we decided that we were going to give archery a try. I only gave it a few tries because once I shot my 4 arrows at the target, I would decide to stand in silence until we were allowed to pick up our arrows, and the few seconds I stood in silence were spent thinking about what my cause of death would be. This is what rumination is; dwelling on negative thoughts and feelings.
Later on in the night, we were all in our cabins, getting ready to sit by the campfire, sing, and make s’mores. I was jamming out to my own music, while my other friends were talking to each other. When I was listening to music that had some kind of a good vibe to it, I didn’t worry about anything, I just listened and enjoyed it. That’s what I liked about music.
I do like music sung by choirs, but while I listened to everyone sing around the campfire, it wasn’t as good as I remembered it to be. I would usually enjoy singing with my friends, but that night, it felt like it gave me a “this is the last song you’ll hear in your life” type of vibe. I knew it shouldn’t give me that kind of feeling, but I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about it, no matter how hard I tried.
Before I knew it, it was the next day. We would finally get to go back home. I was looking forward to going home not only because I could play on my phone whenever I wanted to, but because I was going to be able to distract myself from my thoughts. That was exactly what I did when I got home. I stayed in my room and watched YouTube on my TV most of the night, but then I decided to download Genshin Impact on my phone. It had been about a year or 2 since I had played it, and to be honest, I didn’t want to stop playing it, it was only because of the low storage on my Samsung Galaxy S9 that I stopped playing it.
One of the very first things I did in the game was trying to travel all the way to Fontaine since that was one of my favorite nations in Genshin Impact. There was a song called, “La Vaguelette” that came out at about the same time as version 4.2 of Genshin Impact, and I really liked that song. I liked it so much that I even made a cover of the song. I would sometimes sing along to the karaoke version of it, but there was one time where I was listening to the intro of the song and I started to feel something weird in my stomach, almost as if my body was having a negative reaction to the song. Maybe it was because there was a character in the game called Focalors who died in version 4.2 of Genshin Impact, so there was probably something behind my worries about the afterlife.
A few days later, I had an idea. I wanted to create a song about how I felt about my thoughts. It was what I usually did when I felt a negative thought or emotion towards something. I started out by using a MIDI device on BandLab to create the main chords of the song. I didn’t write any lyrics down, I just decided to let myself go in that song and describe exactly how I felt. When I was done, I named the song, “Crucabena”, the name of another deceased character in Genshin Impact, since I felt like that fit the song.
Crucabena: The Explanation
“I wish someone was able to tell me if there was a Heaven” As stated in some of the previous paragraphs, I worried about what was after death.
“I wish I could go back to when my innocence hadn’t ended” basically means I want to be a young child again.
“I wish I could go back to normal” means that I wish I didn’t worry about what happens after death
“I wish I could go back to me” means the same thing as #3
“I wish I could go back to being free” means that I wish I didn’t spend a third of my summer worrying about the afterlife
“I can’t go back to when I was younger, but I wish I was never truly done” means that I want to go back to when I was younger when I can’t, and I wish I could accept that
“I wish I could go back to Crucabena” means I want to go back in time, with the time being before one of my dogs died, so that I can show that I actually care
“I never paid attention to everything” means that there’s always something I’m noy paying attention to
“I didn’t pay attention to anything” means that I feel like I didn’t pay attention to the gravity of the moment when one of my dogs died
“I knew it was a death” means that I knew that dog would never be able to return to the world of the living
“But I just couldn’t let it slip into my childish brain” means that I will always think of my past self as more childish than who I am in the present
“Slip into those childish days when it wasn’t the end of my love for Monsieur Neuvillette” means that I couldn’t let the death of my dog affect me because I felt that my love for Neuvillette, or Monsieur Neuvillette, was more important. Now, I feel like I was foolish to think that because of course it’s not more significant than my dog. I’ve lived with that dog for my whole life up until September of 2023, and Neuvillette wasn’t even released until June or July of 2023.
“I wish I didn’t cry each time I said something” Around the time I started having those thoughts, I would come close to crying if I tried to talk about it.
“I wish I didn’t feel as if I was nothing” exaggeration
“I wish, and I’ll wish for me” means that I won’t lose hope
“Why am I like this sometimes” is me asking myself why I’m childish sometimes
“Why do I even try to wish for my own sanity” is just me contradicting myself and saying I might lose hope
“I can heal and go back to normal” means that I have realized that I’m not stuck worrying and that time isn’t set in stone
“I can heal and go back to me” means the same thing as #18
“Someday I will feel somewhat free” means that I know I will feel like myself again
“I accept I’m not getting any younger, and maybe I’m not truly done” means that I have realized that it’ll be hard to live in the present, but I have accepted it
“I accept I can’t go back to Crucabena” means that I have accepted that nobody will come back from the dead
“At least I have Furina” When I say Furina, I mean the good things in life. This line means that at least there are still good things in life
I think that’s one thing that pushed me back into playing that game. Ever since that one random day when I decided to start playing Genshin Impact again, I’ve regained my love for Fontaine and everything else. I no longer have those worries, and (maybe) the good thing is I got an experience and a song out of it.
What I didn’t know when I was making the song is that I would want to make a lot of revisions to the song. Some lines were revised into new ones, while others were just discarded.
Crucabena: Discarded Lines
“I wish he never hated me” When I say he, I am referring to someone on the internet, and that doesn’t really fit in with the meaning of the song
“I wish he never lied to me” Same thing as #1
“I wish he never called me what Vox called Alastor” The reason I said I regained my love for Fontaine is because I didn’t love Fontaine as much as I currently do back when I was worrying about this, I liked another show (which I will not be mentioning).
“I wish, and I’ll wish for Clervie” Clervie is another deceased character, but I didn’t feel like saying that because of the fact that the whole song would become something else if I said that. See the next few discarded lines for more details.
“I wish I could actually care” While this was a good line, I only said this so that it would rhyme with whatever #6 says.
“I wish you’d listen to me, Peruere” Remember when I said the song was going to become something else? It would turn into me talking to Arlecchino (another Genshin character) if I didn’t revise the lines
“When I only loved Freminet / Freminet and Neuvillette” I had to say Freminet using the incorrect pronunciation for the line to rhyme with Neuvillette.
Mavuika: The Backstory
Apparently there’s something new called Sprunki that’s popular within the generation that is known as Gen Alpha, which is one of the generations I am a part of. Despite this being one of the new things that my generation likes, I would probably say that it’s definitely not something they should be watching on YouTube. This “Sprunki” thing I am talking about is a game that’s supposed to be kind of like Incredibox, which is another sound box game, but creepier than that.
This whole thing started on what would have been just another Thursday. I was eating breakfast and scrolling through my YouTube feed, until I came across one of those YouTube Lives that would show up as Shorts. I usually scrolled past the Live if it wasn’t something I was interested in, but I was curious to see what the livestreamer was playing.
The person streaming wrote something on an online canvas, telling the viewers what to search for if they wanted to play around with the sounds themselves, and just like the music-loving girl I was, I went to Google and searched for it.
It was kind of cool at first, so I decided to see what other “mods” they had. There was some kind of “infected” mod, and even though it had warnings at the beginning, I still wanted to play around with it and see what I could create. Little did I know, it would start to creep me out shortly after that, so I closed out of the app and continued watching other YouTube Shorts. There was no way to disable the feature that would let those live streams pop up on my Shorts feed, so if I scrolled through my feed, I would probably see something related to that.
One day, I decided to try and watch that thing again, hoping to overcome the fear of it, but that just made it worse. Just like that night after watching the last episode of one of my favorite shows, I was shaking in my bed. I wasn’t able to go to sleep until 30 minutes after I started shaking.
Mavuika: The Explanation
The next morning, I was looking for a video to watch, and I found a video about Mavuika. This is where the name came from.
“Think about the positive things in your dreams” This is what my mom told me to do when I told her about this whole thing.
“You can’t understand that it’s hard for me” It was hard for me to think about positive things.
“So please, let me explain my ways” I wanted to say that it wasn’t as easy as she thought it was.
“Let me tell you it’s me
The blame’s on me” It’s my fault for trying to overcome the fear I have of that thing.
“I’m too childish for this life
Too childish for this tonight
With my childish fears” I felt childish. I felt like a 12 year old shouldn’t be afraid of something that younger children watch and enjoy.
“I don’t deserve the flame” People have said that Mavuika’s hair can literally turn into fire.
“I don’t deserve to say your name tonight, Mavuika” = “I don’t deserve to know someone as cool as you, Mavuika”
“I don’t deserve to say anything
I don’t deserve to have anything
I deserve nothing, Mavuika” Exaggeration
“Familiar with this shade of red
It’s the shade of red from my nightmares” If you actually go onto the sprunki.org website and click on one of the mods, there’s probably going to be a red background
“The ones I fear” ones = characters from those mods
“I feel like no one, no one in the world would care” = “I feel like no one in the world would understand
“I don’t need to be held in your warm embrace” means that I don’t feel like I need to feel like my younger self again, but I like feeling like my younger self
“Mavuika, I don’t deserve this
I don’t deserve you
I deserve the [redacted] of lives
I don’t deserve it
I don’t deserve this
I deserve the [redacted] of nights
Nights” means that I feel like i should (and will) have a nightmare on the night that this song is talking about
“Mavuika (x32)”
In Your Nightmares Tonight: The Explanation
“I’ve tried to overcome that fear for you” means that I have tried to listen and watch it
“But I don’t really know what to do” means that I don’t know what to do to overcome that fear I have when I watch it
“Maybe you can tell me to think about Raiden Ei” This song was written right after I finished the Inazuma Archon Quest
“Or maybe think about Fontaine” Fontaine is my favorite Genshin Impact nation, so that’s the thing I want to dream about
“You say that Sprunki’s funky, and it’s not that scary when
You get used to it” The kids in the live chat don’t act like they’re being traumatized, so they either don’t know what it’s like to be traumatized by it or they’re not showing that they actually do know
“But you don’t know that when I’m shaking in my bed, thinking of Neuvillette
And Wriothesley, but I can’t get it out of my head” I was trying to think of Neuvillette and Wriothesley to calm my brain down on that one specific night
Focalors…?: The Explanation
There is no background information because the background information has already been explained; Version 4.2 of Genshin Impact. (See paragraph 6 on page 2)
“Why do I care more if it’s you?” This song is sung as if I am directly talking to Focalors. I’m basically asking Focalors why I care more about her (and Fontaine) more than anything else in the moment.
“Why do I care more if it’s not true?” I’m asking Focalors why I care more for Furina, who isn’t actually the Hydro Archon.
“Why do I care more about an Archon?” = asking Focalors why I care more about her (again).
“Why do I care more if you die?” This is kind of like some of the lines in Crucabena; I cried when watching Focalors’ death cutscene, but I didn’t cry when my actual dog died.
“Why do I care more if Furina lied?” Again, I’m asking Focalors why I care more about Furina.
“Why do I care enough to write a song?” I’m asking Focalors why I wrote this song.
“Focalors?
I can’t take this anymore” I’m telling Focalors that I can’t not feel sad at the mention of Fontaine’s prophecy
“Isn’t it so lovely?
Why is this a part of the prophecy?” I’m asking Focalors why it had to be the way it was
“How does this finale end?
It ends in pain and tears that have been penned “
Why do I feel like I’m the mistake?
The mistake who only knows how to love Fontaine
It’s your nation, but why am I so loyal?
It was a dog’s death, why wasn’t it awful?
I feel so selfish, I feel so cold
How come it’s only you I know?
Negative Effects of Music on Mental Health
Madison Williams
Rumination may involve continuously worrying about an upcoming test, or it could be started simply by the meaning of one song. I know this because I’ve had experience with it just because I listened to a song.
It all started when I was at the dinner table, trying to recall what songs I listened to when I was a 9 year old child. I remembered I liked listening to this one sped up version of a song called, “I Want You Here” by Plumb. I searched for that specific video I used to watch on YouTube, and I made the mistake of scrolling through the comments. People had said that the song was describing the feelings of a mother who had just found out she had a miscarriage, but it didn’t bother me that much, or at least it didn’t bother me at that moment.
I decided to put my phone down and listen to the song for the first time in about 3 years, and even though it reminded me of when I was younger, for some reason, I started to ask myself if there was an afterlife for that child. That’s where this story began.
That Friday, I had finished watching the first season of one of my favorite shows. I hadn’t thought about what I thought about the other day, but that all changed when I tried to go to sleep. When we go to sleep, some of us let ourselves think about random things, but for me, those random things weren’t the random things I liked to think about. I would usually think about an upcoming event I’m excited for, or maybe it would be one of my favorite characters from Genshin impact, but that night, I asked myself the same thing I did a few days ago.
“Where did that soul go? Where do we go when it’s time for us to leave this world? Heaven?” I asked myself over and over again. I looked up at the clock in my bedroom, and it said 10:51 PM. It was 51 minutes after I had turned off the lights, 51 minutes of me staying awake, 51 minutes of me worrying about something that was completely out of my control; what my cause of death would be and if there would be an afterlife for me. It got so bad to the point where I was literally shaking under the blanket. I couldn’t stop it, I could only wait until I fell asleep.
“Why am I even shaking? Why am I thinking about this? This is something that I shouldn’t be worrying about as a 12 year old, right?” I thought to myself. That was the same question I asked myself if I was supposed to have surgery the next day because I had needed multiple surgeries to the point where the number of surgeries was in the double digits, but this, I thought, was just me overreacting. I was still so young, I still had my whole life ahead of me, but that still didn’t stop me from worrying.
2 weeks later, and there I was, eating dinner with my fellow Girl Scout friends. We were at a campsite, having fun and creating memories, and even though we were creating new memories, I still thought about the same things I thought about on that one Friday night. Even though my mom was sitting right next to me, I decided to text her about the theory I had because I didn’t want anyone to worry about me or anything like that. I told her about how I thought that I was only worried about that sort of stuff because I didn’t really have anything to keep my mind off of that and about how I thought that those thoughts would stop once school started up again, but the first part wouldn’t make that much sense since I was at an event with my friends from Girl Scouts.
After we ate dinner, we found the people who were in our assigned groups, and we decided that we were going to give archery a try. I only gave it a few tries because once I shot my 4 arrows at the target, I would decide to stand in silence until we were allowed to pick up our arrows, and the few seconds I stood in silence were spent thinking about what my cause of death would be. This is what rumination is; dwelling on negative thoughts and feelings.
Later on in the night, we were all in our cabins, getting ready to sit by the campfire, sing, and make s’mores. I was jamming out to my own music, while my other friends were talking to each other. When I was listening to music that had some kind of a good vibe to it, I didn’t worry about anything, I just listened and enjoyed it. That’s what I liked about music.
I do like music sung by choirs, but while I listened to everyone sing around the campfire, it wasn’t as good as I remembered it to be. I would usually enjoy singing with my friends, but that night, it felt like it gave me a “this is the last song you’ll hear in your life” type of vibe. I knew it shouldn’t give me that kind of feeling, but I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about it, no matter how hard I tried.
Before I knew it, it was the next day. We would finally get to go back home. I was looking forward to going home not only because I could play on my phone whenever I wanted to, but because I was going to be able to distract myself from my thoughts. That was exactly what I did when I got home. I stayed in my room and watched YouTube on my TV most of the night, but then I decided to download Genshin Impact on my phone. It had been about a year or 2 since I had played it, and to be honest, I didn’t want to stop playing it, it was only because of the low storage on my Samsung Galaxy S9 that I stopped playing it.
One of the very first things I did in the game was trying to travel all the way to Fontaine since that was one of my favorite nations in Genshin Impact. There was a song called, “La Vaguelette” that came out at about the same time as version 4.2 of Genshin Impact, and I really liked that song. I liked it so much that I even made a cover of the song. I would sometimes sing along to the karaoke version of it, but there was one time where I was listening to the intro of the song and I started to feel something weird in my stomach, almost as if my body was having a negative reaction to the song. Maybe it was because there was a character in the game called Focalors who died in version 4.2 of Genshin Impact, so there was probably something behind my worries about the afterlife.
A few days later, I had an idea. I wanted to create a song about how I felt about my thoughts. It was what I usually did when I felt a negative thought or emotion towards something. I started out by using a MIDI device on BandLab to create the main chords of the song. I didn’t write any lyrics down, I just decided to let myself go in that song and describe exactly how I felt. When I was done, I named the song, “Crucabena”, the name of another deceased character in Genshin Impact, since I felt like that fit the song.
Crucabena: The Explanation
“I wish someone was able to tell me if there was a Heaven” As stated in some of the previous paragraphs, I worried about what was after death.
“I wish I could go back to when my innocence hadn’t ended” basically means I want to be a young child again.
“I wish I could go back to normal” means that I wish I didn’t worry about what happens after death
“I wish I could go back to me” means the same thing as #3
“I wish I could go back to being free” means that I wish I didn’t spend a third of my summer worrying about the afterlife
“I can’t go back to when I was younger, but I wish I was never truly done” means that I want to go back to when I was younger when I can’t, and I wish I could accept that
“I wish I could go back to Crucabena” means I want to go back in time, with the time being before one of my dogs died, so that I can show that I actually care
“I never paid attention to everything” means that there’s always something I’m noy paying attention to
“I didn’t pay attention to anything” means that I feel like I didn’t pay attention to the gravity of the moment when one of my dogs died
“I knew it was a death” means that I knew that dog would never be able to return to the world of the living
“But I just couldn’t let it slip into my childish brain” means that I will always think of my past self as more childish than who I am in the present
“Slip into those childish days when it wasn’t the end of my love for Monsieur Neuvillette” means that I couldn’t let the death of my dog affect me because I felt that my love for Neuvillette, or Monsieur Neuvillette, was more important. Now, I feel like I was foolish to think that because of course it’s not more significant than my dog. I’ve lived with that dog for my whole life up until September of 2023, and Neuvillette wasn’t even released until June or July of 2023.
“I wish I didn’t cry each time I said something” Around the time I started having those thoughts, I would come close to crying if I tried to talk about it.
“I wish I didn’t feel as if I was nothing” exaggeration
“I wish, and I’ll wish for me” means that I won’t lose hope
“Why am I like this sometimes” is me asking myself why I’m childish sometimes
“Why do I even try to wish for my own sanity” is just me contradicting myself and saying I might lose hope
“I can heal and go back to normal” means that I have realized that I’m not stuck worrying and that time isn’t set in stone
“I can heal and go back to me” means the same thing as #18
“Someday I will feel somewhat free” means that I know I will feel like myself again
“I accept I’m not getting any younger, and maybe I’m not truly done” means that I have realized that it’ll be hard to live in the present, but I have accepted it
“I accept I can’t go back to Crucabena” means that I have accepted that nobody will come back from the dead
“At least I have Furina” When I say Furina, I mean the good things in life. This line means that at least there are still good things in life
I think that’s one thing that pushed me back into playing that game. Ever since that one random day when I decided to start playing Genshin Impact again, I’ve regained my love for Fontaine and everything else. I no longer have those worries, and (maybe) the good thing is I got an experience and a song out of it.
What I didn’t know when I was making the song is that I would want to make a lot of revisions to the song. Some lines were revised into new ones, while others were just discarded.
Crucabena: Discarded Lines
“I wish he never hated me” When I say he, I am referring to someone on the internet, and that doesn’t really fit in with the meaning of the song
“I wish he never lied to me” Same thing as #1
“I wish he never called me what Vox called Alastor” The reason I said I regained my love for Fontaine is because I didn’t love Fontaine as much as I currently do back when I was worrying about this, I liked another show (which I will not be mentioning).
“I wish, and I’ll wish for Clervie” Clervie is another deceased character, but I didn’t feel like saying that because of the fact that the whole song would become something else if I said that. See the next few discarded lines for more details.
“I wish I could actually care” While this was a good line, I only said this so that it would rhyme with whatever #6 says.
“I wish you’d listen to me, Peruere” Remember when I said the song was going to become something else? It would turn into me talking to Arlecchino (another Genshin character) if I didn’t revise the lines
“When I only loved Freminet / Freminet and Neuvillette” I had to say Freminet using the incorrect pronunciation for the line to rhyme with Neuvillette.
Mavuika: The Backstory
Apparently there’s something new called Sprunki that’s popular within the generation that is known as Gen Alpha, which is one of the generations I am a part of. Despite this being one of the new things that my generation likes, I would probably say that it’s definitely not something they should be watching on YouTube. This “Sprunki” thing I am talking about is a game that’s supposed to be kind of like Incredibox, which is another sound box game, but creepier than that.
This whole thing started on what would have been just another Thursday. I was eating breakfast and scrolling through my YouTube feed, until I came across one of those YouTube Lives that would show up as Shorts. I usually scrolled past the Live if it wasn’t something I was interested in, but I was curious to see what the livestreamer was playing.
The person streaming wrote something on an online canvas, telling the viewers what to search for if they wanted to play around with the sounds themselves, and just like the music-loving girl I was, I went to Google and searched for it.
It was kind of cool at first, so I decided to see what other “mods” they had. There was some kind of “infected” mod, and even though it had warnings at the beginning, I still wanted to play around with it and see what I could create. Little did I know, it would start to creep me out shortly after that, so I closed out of the app and continued watching other YouTube Shorts. There was no way to disable the feature that would let those live streams pop up on my Shorts feed, so if I scrolled through my feed, I would probably see something related to that.
One day, I decided to try and watch that thing again, hoping to overcome the fear of it, but that just made it worse. Just like that night after watching the last episode of one of my favorite shows, I was shaking in my bed. I wasn’t able to go to sleep until 30 minutes after I started shaking.
Mavuika: The Explanation
The next morning, I was looking for a video to watch, and I found a video about Mavuika. This is where the name came from.
“Think about the positive things in your dreams” This is what my mom told me to do when I told her about this whole thing.
“You can’t understand that it’s hard for me” It was hard for me to think about positive things.
“So please, let me explain my ways” I wanted to say that it wasn’t as easy as she thought it was.
“Let me tell you it’s me
The blame’s on me” It’s my fault for trying to overcome the fear I have of that thing.
“I’m too childish for this life
Too childish for this tonight
With my childish fears” I felt childish. I felt like a 12 year old shouldn’t be afraid of something that younger children watch and enjoy.
“I don’t deserve the flame” People have said that Mavuika’s hair can literally turn into fire.
“I don’t deserve to say your name tonight, Mavuika” = “I don’t deserve to know someone as cool as you, Mavuika”
“I don’t deserve to say anything
I don’t deserve to have anything
I deserve nothing, Mavuika” Exaggeration
“Familiar with this shade of red
It’s the shade of red from my nightmares” If you actually go onto the sprunki.org website and click on one of the mods, there’s probably going to be a red background
“The ones I fear” ones = characters from those mods
“I feel like no one, no one in the world would care” = “I feel like no one in the world would understand
“I don’t need to be held in your warm embrace” means that I don’t feel like I need to feel like my younger self again, but I like feeling like my younger self
“Mavuika, I don’t deserve this
I don’t deserve you
I deserve the [redacted] of lives
I don’t deserve it
I don’t deserve this
I deserve the [redacted] of nights
Nights” means that I feel like i should (and will) have a nightmare on the night that this song is talking about
“Mavuika (x32)”
In Your Nightmares Tonight: The Explanation
“I’ve tried to overcome that fear for you” means that I have tried to listen and watch it
“But I don’t really know what to do” means that I don’t know what to do to overcome that fear I have when I watch it
“Maybe you can tell me to think about Raiden Ei” This song was written right after I finished the Inazuma Archon Quest
“Or maybe think about Fontaine” Fontaine is my favorite Genshin Impact nation, so that’s the thing I want to dream about
“You say that Sprunki’s funky, and it’s not that scary when
You get used to it” The kids in the live chat don’t act like they’re being traumatized, so they either don’t know what it’s like to be traumatized by it or they’re not showing that they actually do know
“But you don’t know that when I’m shaking in my bed, thinking of Neuvillette
And Wriothesley, but I can’t get it out of my head” I was trying to think of Neuvillette and Wriothesley to calm my brain down on that one specific night
Focalors…?: The Explanation
There is no background information because the background information has already been explained; Version 4.2 of Genshin Impact. (See paragraph 6 on page 2)
“Why do I care more if it’s you?” This song is sung as if I am directly talking to Focalors. I’m basically asking Focalors why I care more about her (and Fontaine) more than anything else in the moment.
“Why do I care more if it’s not true?” I’m asking Focalors why I care more for Furina, who isn’t actually the Hydro Archon.
“Why do I care more about an Archon?” = asking Focalors why I care more about her (again).
“Why do I care more if you die?” This is kind of like some of the lines in Crucabena; I cried when watching Focalors’ death cutscene, but I didn’t cry when my actual dog died.
“Why do I care more if Furina lied?” Again, I’m asking Focalors why I care more about Furina.
“Why do I care enough to write a song?” I’m asking Focalors why I wrote this song.
“Focalors?
I can’t take this anymore” I’m telling Focalors that I can’t not feel sad at the mention of Fontaine’s prophecy
“Isn’t it so lovely?
Why is this a part of the prophecy?” I’m asking Focalors why it had to be the way it was
“How does this finale end?
It ends in pain and tears that have been penned “
Why do I feel like I’m the mistake?
The mistake who only knows how to love Fontaine
It’s your nation, but why am I so loyal?
It was a dog’s death, why wasn’t it awful?
I feel so selfish, I feel so cold
How come it’s only you I know?
Negative Effects of Music on Mental Health
Madison Williams
Rumination may involve continuously worrying about an upcoming test, or it could be started simply by the meaning of one song. I know this because I’ve had experience with it just because I listened to a song.
It all started when I was at the dinner table, trying to recall what songs I listened to when I was a 9 year old child. I remembered I liked listening to this one sped up version of a song called, “I Want You Here” by Plumb. I searched for that specific video I used to watch on YouTube, and I made the mistake of scrolling through the comments. People had said that the song was describing the feelings of a mother who had just found out she had a miscarriage, but it didn’t bother me that much, or at least it didn’t bother me at that moment.
I decided to put my phone down and listen to the song for the first time in about 3 years, and even though it reminded me of when I was younger, for some reason, I started to ask myself if there was an afterlife for that child. That’s where this story began.
That Friday, I had finished watching the first season of one of my favorite shows. I hadn’t thought about what I thought about the other day, but that all changed when I tried to go to sleep. When we go to sleep, some of us let ourselves think about random things, but for me, those random things weren’t the random things I liked to think about. I would usually think about an upcoming event I’m excited for, or maybe it would be one of my favorite characters from Genshin impact, but that night, I asked myself the same thing I did a few days ago.
“Where did that soul go? Where do we go when it’s time for us to leave this world? Heaven?” I asked myself over and over again. I looked up at the clock in my bedroom, and it said 10:51 PM. It was 51 minutes after I had turned off the lights, 51 minutes of me staying awake, 51 minutes of me worrying about something that was completely out of my control; what my cause of death would be and if there would be an afterlife for me. It got so bad to the point where I was literally shaking under the blanket. I couldn’t stop it, I could only wait until I fell asleep.
“Why am I even shaking? Why am I thinking about this? This is something that I shouldn’t be worrying about as a 12 year old, right?” I thought to myself. That was the same question I asked myself if I was supposed to have surgery the next day because I had needed multiple surgeries to the point where the number of surgeries was in the double digits, but this, I thought, was just me overreacting. I was still so young, I still had my whole life ahead of me, but that still didn’t stop me from worrying.
2 weeks later, and there I was, eating dinner with my fellow Girl Scout friends. We were at a campsite, having fun and creating memories, and even though we were creating new memories, I still thought about the same things I thought about on that one Friday night. Even though my mom was sitting right next to me, I decided to text her about the theory I had because I didn’t want anyone to worry about me or anything like that. I told her about how I thought that I was only worried about that sort of stuff because I didn’t really have anything to keep my mind off of that and about how I thought that those thoughts would stop once school started up again, but the first part wouldn’t make that much sense since I was at an event with my friends from Girl Scouts.
After we ate dinner, we found the people who were in our assigned groups, and we decided that we were going to give archery a try. I only gave it a few tries because once I shot my 4 arrows at the target, I would decide to stand in silence until we were allowed to pick up our arrows, and the few seconds I stood in silence were spent thinking about what my cause of death would be. This is what rumination is; dwelling on negative thoughts and feelings.
Later on in the night, we were all in our cabins, getting ready to sit by the campfire, sing, and make s’mores. I was jamming out to my own music, while my other friends were talking to each other. When I was listening to music that had some kind of a good vibe to it, I didn’t worry about anything, I just listened and enjoyed it. That’s what I liked about music.
I do like music sung by choirs, but while I listened to everyone sing around the campfire, it wasn’t as good as I remembered it to be. I would usually enjoy singing with my friends, but that night, it felt like it gave me a “this is the last song you’ll hear in your life” type of vibe. I knew it shouldn’t give me that kind of feeling, but I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about it, no matter how hard I tried.
Before I knew it, it was the next day. We would finally get to go back home. I was looking forward to going home not only because I could play on my phone whenever I wanted to, but because I was going to be able to distract myself from my thoughts. That was exactly what I did when I got home. I stayed in my room and watched YouTube on my TV most of the night, but then I decided to download Genshin Impact on my phone. It had been about a year or 2 since I had played it, and to be honest, I didn’t want to stop playing it, it was only because of the low storage on my Samsung Galaxy S9 that I stopped playing it.
One of the very first things I did in the game was trying to travel all the way to Fontaine since that was one of my favorite nations in Genshin Impact. There was a song called, “La Vaguelette” that came out at about the same time as version 4.2 of Genshin Impact, and I really liked that song. I liked it so much that I even made a cover of the song. I would sometimes sing along to the karaoke version of it, but there was one time where I was listening to the intro of the song and I started to feel something weird in my stomach, almost as if my body was having a negative reaction to the song. Maybe it was because there was a character in the game called Focalors who died in version 4.2 of Genshin Impact, so there was probably something behind my worries about the afterlife.
A few days later, I had an idea. I wanted to create a song about how I felt about my thoughts. It was what I usually did when I felt a negative thought or emotion towards something. I started out by using a MIDI device on BandLab to create the main chords of the song. I didn’t write any lyrics down, I just decided to let myself go in that song and describe exactly how I felt. When I was done, I named the song, “Crucabena”, the name of another deceased character in Genshin Impact, since I felt like that fit the song.
Crucabena: The Explanation
“I wish someone was able to tell me if there was a Heaven” As stated in some of the previous paragraphs, I worried about what was after death.
“I wish I could go back to when my innocence hadn’t ended” basically means I want to be a young child again.
“I wish I could go back to normal” means that I wish I didn’t worry about what happens after death
“I wish I could go back to me” means the same thing as #3
“I wish I could go back to being free” means that I wish I didn’t spend a third of my summer worrying about the afterlife
“I can’t go back to when I was younger, but I wish I was never truly done” means that I want to go back to when I was younger when I can’t, and I wish I could accept that
“I wish I could go back to Crucabena” means I want to go back in time, with the time being before one of my dogs died, so that I can show that I actually care
“I never paid attention to everything” means that there’s always something I’m noy paying attention to
“I didn’t pay attention to anything” means that I feel like I didn’t pay attention to the gravity of the moment when one of my dogs died
“I knew it was a death” means that I knew that dog would never be able to return to the world of the living
“But I just couldn’t let it slip into my childish brain” means that I will always think of my past self as more childish than who I am in the present
“Slip into those childish days when it wasn’t the end of my love for Monsieur Neuvillette” means that I couldn’t let the death of my dog affect me because I felt that my love for Neuvillette, or Monsieur Neuvillette, was more important. Now, I feel like I was foolish to think that because of course it’s not more significant than my dog. I’ve lived with that dog for my whole life up until September of 2023, and Neuvillette wasn’t even released until June or July of 2023.
“I wish I didn’t cry each time I said something” Around the time I started having those thoughts, I would come close to crying if I tried to talk about it.
“I wish I didn’t feel as if I was nothing” exaggeration
“I wish, and I’ll wish for me” means that I won’t lose hope
“Why am I like this sometimes” is me asking myself why I’m childish sometimes
“Why do I even try to wish for my own sanity” is just me contradicting myself and saying I might lose hope
“I can heal and go back to normal” means that I have realized that I’m not stuck worrying and that time isn’t set in stone
“I can heal and go back to me” means the same thing as #18
“Someday I will feel somewhat free” means that I know I will feel like myself again
“I accept I’m not getting any younger, and maybe I’m not truly done” means that I have realized that it’ll be hard to live in the present, but I have accepted it
“I accept I can’t go back to Crucabena” means that I have accepted that nobody will come back from the dead
“At least I have Furina” When I say Furina, I mean the good things in life. This line means that at least there are still good things in life
I think that’s one thing that pushed me back into playing that game. Ever since that one random day when I decided to start playing Genshin Impact again, I’ve regained my love for Fontaine and everything else. I no longer have those worries, and (maybe) the good thing is I got an experience and a song out of it.
What I didn’t know when I was making the song is that I would want to make a lot of revisions to the song. Some lines were revised into new ones, while others were just discarded.
Crucabena: Discarded Lines
“I wish he never hated me” When I say he, I am referring to someone on the internet, and that doesn’t really fit in with the meaning of the song
“I wish he never lied to me” Same thing as #1
“I wish he never called me what Vox called Alastor” The reason I said I regained my love for Fontaine is because I didn’t love Fontaine as much as I currently do back when I was worrying about this, I liked another show (which I will not be mentioning).
“I wish, and I’ll wish for Clervie” Clervie is another deceased character, but I didn’t feel like saying that because of the fact that the whole song would become something else if I said that. See the next few discarded lines for more details.
“I wish I could actually care” While this was a good line, I only said this so that it would rhyme with whatever #6 says.
“I wish you’d listen to me, Peruere” Remember when I said the song was going to become something else? It would turn into me talking to Arlecchino (another Genshin character) if I didn’t revise the lines
“When I only loved Freminet / Freminet and Neuvillette” I had to say Freminet using the incorrect pronunciation for the line to rhyme with Neuvillette.
Mavuika: The Backstory
Apparently there’s something new called Sprunki that’s popular within the generation that is known as Gen Alpha, which is one of the generations I am a part of. Despite this being one of the new things that my generation likes, I would probably say that it’s definitely not something they should be watching on YouTube. This “Sprunki” thing I am talking about is a game that’s supposed to be kind of like Incredibox, which is another sound box game, but creepier than that.
This whole thing started on what would have been just another Thursday. I was eating breakfast and scrolling through my YouTube feed, until I came across one of those YouTube Lives that would show up as Shorts. I usually scrolled past the Live if it wasn’t something I was interested in, but I was curious to see what the livestreamer was playing.
The person streaming wrote something on an online canvas, telling the viewers what to search for if they wanted to play around with the sounds themselves, and just like the music-loving girl I was, I went to Google and searched for it.
It was kind of cool at first, so I decided to see what other “mods” they had. There was some kind of “infected” mod, and even though it had warnings at the beginning, I still wanted to play around with it and see what I could create. Little did I know, it would start to creep me out shortly after that, so I closed out of the app and continued watching other YouTube Shorts. There was no way to disable the feature that would let those live streams pop up on my Shorts feed, so if I scrolled through my feed, I would probably see something related to that.
One day, I decided to try and watch that thing again, hoping to overcome the fear of it, but that just made it worse. Just like that night after watching the last episode of one of my favorite shows, I was shaking in my bed. I wasn’t able to go to sleep until 30 minutes after I started shaking.
Mavuika: The Explanation
The next morning, I was looking for a video to watch, and I found a video about Mavuika. This is where the name came from.
“Think about the positive things in your dreams” This is what my mom told me to do when I told her about this whole thing.
“You can’t understand that it’s hard for me” It was hard for me to think about positive things.
“So please, let me explain my ways” I wanted to say that it wasn’t as easy as she thought it was.
“Let me tell you it’s me
The blame’s on me” It’s my fault for trying to overcome the fear I have of that thing.
“I’m too childish for this life
Too childish for this tonight
With my childish fears” I felt childish. I felt like a 12 year old shouldn’t be afraid of something that younger children watch and enjoy.
“I don’t deserve the flame” People have said that Mavuika’s hair can literally turn into fire.
“I don’t deserve to say your name tonight, Mavuika” = “I don’t deserve to know someone as cool as you, Mavuika”
“I don’t deserve to say anything
I don’t deserve to have anything
I deserve nothing, Mavuika” Exaggeration
“Familiar with this shade of red
It’s the shade of red from my nightmares” If you actually go onto the sprunki.org website and click on one of the mods, there’s probably going to be a red background
“The ones I fear” ones = characters from those mods
“I feel like no one, no one in the world would care” = “I feel like no one in the world would understand
“I don’t need to be held in your warm embrace” means that I don’t feel like I need to feel like my younger self again, but I like feeling like my younger self
“Mavuika, I don’t deserve this
I don’t deserve you
I deserve the [redacted] of lives
I don’t deserve it
I don’t deserve this
I deserve the [redacted] of nights
Nights” means that I feel like i should (and will) have a nightmare on the night that this song is talking about
“Mavuika (x32)”
In Your Nightmares Tonight: The Explanation
“I’ve tried to overcome that fear for you” means that I have tried to listen and watch it
“But I don’t really know what to do” means that I don’t know what to do to overcome that fear I have when I watch it
“Maybe you can tell me to think about Raiden Ei” This song was written right after I finished the Inazuma Archon Quest
“Or maybe think about Fontaine” Fontaine is my favorite Genshin Impact nation, so that’s the thing I want to dream about
“You say that Sprunki’s funky, and it’s not that scary when
You get used to it” The kids in the live chat don’t act like they’re being traumatized, so they either don’t know what it’s like to be traumatized by it or they’re not showing that they actually do know
“But you don’t know that when I’m shaking in my bed, thinking of Neuvillette
And Wriothesley, but I can’t get it out of my head” I was trying to think of Neuvillette and Wriothesley to calm my brain down on that one specific night
Focalors…?: The Explanation
There is no background information because the background information has already been explained; Version 4.2 of Genshin Impact. (See paragraph 6 on page 2)
“Why do I care more if it’s you?” This song is sung as if I am directly talking to Focalors. I’m basically asking Focalors why I care more about her (and Fontaine) more than anything else in the moment.
“Why do I care more if it’s not true?” I’m asking Focalors why I care more for Furina, who isn’t actually the Hydro Archon.
“Why do I care more about an Archon?” = asking Focalors why I care more about her (again).
“Why do I care more if you die?” This is kind of like some of the lines in Crucabena; I cried when watching Focalors’ death cutscene, but I didn’t cry when my actual dog died.
“Why do I care more if Furina lied?” Again, I’m asking Focalors why I care more about Furina.
“Why do I care enough to write a song?” I’m asking Focalors why I wrote this song.
“Focalors?
I can’t take this anymore” I’m telling Focalors that I can’t not feel sad at the mention of Fontaine’s prophecy
“Isn’t it so lovely?
Why is this a part of the prophecy?” I’m asking Focalors why it had to be the way it was
“How does this finale end?
It ends in pain and tears that have been penned “
Why do I feel like I’m the mistake?
The mistake who only knows how to love Fontaine
It’s your nation, but why am I so loyal?
It was a dog’s death, why wasn’t it awful?
I feel so selfish, I feel so cold
How come it’s only you I know?
Negative Effects of Music on Mental Health
Madison Williams
Rumination may involve continuously worrying about an upcoming test, or it could be started simply by the meaning of one song. I know this because I’ve had experience with it just because I listened to a song.
It all started when I was at the dinner table, trying to recall what songs I listened to when I was a 9 year old child. I remembered I liked listening to this one sped up version of a song called, “I Want You Here” by Plumb. I searched for that specific video I used to watch on YouTube, and I made the mistake of scrolling through the comments. People had said that the song was describing the feelings of a mother who had just found out she had a miscarriage, but it didn’t bother me that much, or at least it didn’t bother me at that moment.
I decided to put my phone down and listen to the song for the first time in about 3 years, and even though it reminded me of when I was younger, for some reason, I started to ask myself if there was an afterlife for that child. That’s where this story began.
That Friday, I had finished watching the first season of one of my favorite shows. I hadn’t thought about what I thought about the other day, but that all changed when I tried to go to sleep. When we go to sleep, some of us let ourselves think about random things, but for me, those random things weren’t the random things I liked to think about. I would usually think about an upcoming event I’m excited for, or maybe it would be one of my favorite characters from Genshin impact, but that night, I asked myself the same thing I did a few days ago.
“Where did that soul go? Where do we go when it’s time for us to leave this world? Heaven?” I asked myself over and over again. I looked up at the clock in my bedroom, and it said 10:51 PM. It was 51 minutes after I had turned off the lights, 51 minutes of me staying awake, 51 minutes of me worrying about something that was completely out of my control; what my cause of death would be and if there would be an afterlife for me. It got so bad to the point where I was literally shaking under the blanket. I couldn’t stop it, I could only wait until I fell asleep.
“Why am I even shaking? Why am I thinking about this? This is something that I shouldn’t be worrying about as a 12 year old, right?” I thought to myself. That was the same question I asked myself if I was supposed to have surgery the next day because I had needed multiple surgeries to the point where the number of surgeries was in the double digits, but this, I thought, was just me overreacting. I was still so young, I still had my whole life ahead of me, but that still didn’t stop me from worrying.
2 weeks later, and there I was, eating dinner with my fellow Girl Scout friends. We were at a campsite, having fun and creating memories, and even though we were creating new memories, I still thought about the same things I thought about on that one Friday night. Even though my mom was sitting right next to me, I decided to text her about the theory I had because I didn’t want anyone to worry about me or anything like that. I told her about how I thought that I was only worried about that sort of stuff because I didn’t really have anything to keep my mind off of that and about how I thought that those thoughts would stop once school started up again, but the first part wouldn’t make that much sense since I was at an event with my friends from Girl Scouts.
After we ate dinner, we found the people who were in our assigned groups, and we decided that we were going to give archery a try. I only gave it a few tries because once I shot my 4 arrows at the target, I would decide to stand in silence until we were allowed to pick up our arrows, and the few seconds I stood in silence were spent thinking about what my cause of death would be. This is what rumination is; dwelling on negative thoughts and feelings.
Later on in the night, we were all in our cabins, getting ready to sit by the campfire, sing, and make s’mores. I was jamming out to my own music, while my other friends were talking to each other. When I was listening to music that had some kind of a good vibe to it, I didn’t worry about anything, I just listened and enjoyed it. That’s what I liked about music.
I do like music sung by choirs, but while I listened to everyone sing around the campfire, it wasn’t as good as I remembered it to be. I would usually enjoy singing with my friends, but that night, it felt like it gave me a “this is the last song you’ll hear in your life” type of vibe. I knew it shouldn’t give me that kind of feeling, but I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about it, no matter how hard I tried.
Before I knew it, it was the next day. We would finally get to go back home. I was looking forward to going home not only because I could play on my phone whenever I wanted to, but because I was going to be able to distract myself from my thoughts. That was exactly what I did when I got home. I stayed in my room and watched YouTube on my TV most of the night, but then I decided to download Genshin Impact on my phone. It had been about a year or 2 since I had played it, and to be honest, I didn’t want to stop playing it, it was only because of the low storage on my Samsung Galaxy S9 that I stopped playing it.
One of the very first things I did in the game was trying to travel all the way to Fontaine since that was one of my favorite nations in Genshin Impact. There was a song called, “La Vaguelette” that came out at about the same time as version 4.2 of Genshin Impact, and I really liked that song. I liked it so much that I even made a cover of the song. I would sometimes sing along to the karaoke version of it, but there was one time where I was listening to the intro of the song and I started to feel something weird in my stomach, almost as if my body was having a negative reaction to the song. Maybe it was because there was a character in the game called Focalors who died in version 4.2 of Genshin Impact, so there was probably something behind my worries about the afterlife.
A few days later, I had an idea. I wanted to create a song about how I felt about my thoughts. It was what I usually did when I felt a negative thought or emotion towards something. I started out by using a MIDI device on BandLab to create the main chords of the song. I didn’t write any lyrics down, I just decided to let myself go in that song and describe exactly how I felt. When I was done, I named the song, “Crucabena”, the name of another deceased character in Genshin Impact, since I felt like that fit the song.
Crucabena: The Explanation
“I wish someone was able to tell me if there was a Heaven” As stated in some of the previous paragraphs, I worried about what was after death.
“I wish I could go back to when my innocence hadn’t ended” basically means I want to be a young child again.
“I wish I could go back to normal” means that I wish I didn’t worry about what happens after death
“I wish I could go back to me” means the same thing as #3
“I wish I could go back to being free” means that I wish I didn’t spend a third of my summer worrying about the afterlife
“I can’t go back to when I was younger, but I wish I was never truly done” means that I want to go back to when I was younger when I can’t, and I wish I could accept that
“I wish I could go back to Crucabena” means I want to go back in time, with the time being before one of my dogs died, so that I can show that I actually care
“I never paid attention to everything” means that there’s always something I’m noy paying attention to
“I didn’t pay attention to anything” means that I feel like I didn’t pay attention to the gravity of the moment when one of my dogs died
“I knew it was a death” means that I knew that dog would never be able to return to the world of the living
“But I just couldn’t let it slip into my childish brain” means that I will always think of my past self as more childish than who I am in the present
“Slip into those childish days when it wasn’t the end of my love for Monsieur Neuvillette” means that I couldn’t let the death of my dog affect me because I felt that my love for Neuvillette, or Monsieur Neuvillette, was more important. Now, I feel like I was foolish to think that because of course it’s not more significant than my dog. I’ve lived with that dog for my whole life up until September of 2023, and Neuvillette wasn’t even released until June or July of 2023.
“I wish I didn’t cry each time I said something” Around the time I started having those thoughts, I would come close to crying if I tried to talk about it.
“I wish I didn’t feel as if I was nothing” exaggeration
“I wish, and I’ll wish for me” means that I won’t lose hope
“Why am I like this sometimes” is me asking myself why I’m childish sometimes
“Why do I even try to wish for my own sanity” is just me contradicting myself and saying I might lose hope
“I can heal and go back to normal” means that I have realized that I’m not stuck worrying and that time isn’t set in stone
“I can heal and go back to me” means the same thing as #18
“Someday I will feel somewhat free” means that I know I will feel like myself again
“I accept I’m not getting any younger, and maybe I’m not truly done” means that I have realized that it’ll be hard to live in the present, but I have accepted it
“I accept I can’t go back to Crucabena” means that I have accepted that nobody will come back from the dead
“At least I have Furina” When I say Furina, I mean the good things in life. This line means that at least there are still good things in life
I think that’s one thing that pushed me back into playing that game. Ever since that one random day when I decided to start playing Genshin Impact again, I’ve regained my love for Fontaine and everything else. I no longer have those worries, and (maybe) the good thing is I got an experience and a song out of it.
What I didn’t know when I was making the song is that I would want to make a lot of revisions to the song. Some lines were revised into new ones, while others were just discarded.
Crucabena: Discarded Lines
“I wish he never hated me” When I say he, I am referring to someone on the internet, and that doesn’t really fit in with the meaning of the song
“I wish he never lied to me” Same thing as #1
“I wish he never called me what Vox called Alastor” The reason I said I regained my love for Fontaine is because I didn’t love Fontaine as much as I currently do back when I was worrying about this, I liked another show (which I will not be mentioning).
“I wish, and I’ll wish for Clervie” Clervie is another deceased character, but I didn’t feel like saying that because of the fact that the whole song would become something else if I said that. See the next few discarded lines for more details.
“I wish I could actually care” While this was a good line, I only said this so that it would rhyme with whatever #6 says.
“I wish you’d listen to me, Peruere” Remember when I said the song was going to become something else? It would turn into me talking to Arlecchino (another Genshin character) if I didn’t revise the lines
“When I only loved Freminet / Freminet and Neuvillette” I had to say Freminet using the incorrect pronunciation for the line to rhyme with Neuvillette.
Mavuika: The Backstory
Apparently there’s something new called Sprunki that’s popular within the generation that is known as Gen Alpha, which is one of the generations I am a part of. Despite this being one of the new things that my generation likes, I would probably say that it’s definitely not something they should be watching on YouTube. This “Sprunki” thing I am talking about is a game that’s supposed to be kind of like Incredibox, which is another sound box game, but creepier than that.
This whole thing started on what would have been just another Thursday. I was eating breakfast and scrolling through my YouTube feed, until I came across one of those YouTube Lives that would show up as Shorts. I usually scrolled past the Live if it wasn’t something I was interested in, but I was curious to see what the livestreamer was playing.
The person streaming wrote something on an online canvas, telling the viewers what to search for if they wanted to play around with the sounds themselves, and just like the music-loving girl I was, I went to Google and searched for it.
It was kind of cool at first, so I decided to see what other “mods” they had. There was some kind of “infected” mod, and even though it had warnings at the beginning, I still wanted to play around with it and see what I could create. Little did I know, it would start to creep me out shortly after that, so I closed out of the app and continued watching other YouTube Shorts. There was no way to disable the feature that would let those live streams pop up on my Shorts feed, so if I scrolled through my feed, I would probably see something related to that.
One day, I decided to try and watch that thing again, hoping to overcome the fear of it, but that just made it worse. Just like that night after watching the last episode of one of my favorite shows, I was shaking in my bed. I wasn’t able to go to sleep until 30 minutes after I started shaking.
Mavuika: The Explanation
The next morning, I was looking for a video to watch, and I found a video about Mavuika. This is where the name came from.
“Think about the positive things in your dreams” This is what my mom told me to do when I told her about this whole thing.
“You can’t understand that it’s hard for me” It was hard for me to think about positive things.
“So please, let me explain my ways” I wanted to say that it wasn’t as easy as she thought it was.
“Let me tell you it’s me
The blame’s on me” It’s my fault for trying to overcome the fear I have of that thing.
“I’m too childish for this life
Too childish for this tonight
With my childish fears” I felt childish. I felt like a 12 year old shouldn’t be afraid of something that younger children watch and enjoy.
“I don’t deserve the flame” People have said that Mavuika’s hair can literally turn into fire.
“I don’t deserve to say your name tonight, Mavuika” = “I don’t deserve to know someone as cool as you, Mavuika”
“I don’t deserve to say anything
I don’t deserve to have anything
I deserve nothing, Mavuika” Exaggeration
“Familiar with this shade of red
It’s the shade of red from my nightmares” If you actually go onto the sprunki.org website and click on one of the mods, there’s probably going to be a red background
“The ones I fear” ones = characters from those mods
“I feel like no one, no one in the world would care” = “I feel like no one in the world would understand
“I don’t need to be held in your warm embrace” means that I don’t feel like I need to feel like my younger self again, but I like feeling like my younger self
“Mavuika, I don’t deserve this
I don’t deserve you
I deserve the [redacted] of lives
I don’t deserve it
I don’t deserve this
I deserve the [redacted] of nights
Nights” means that I feel like i should (and will) have a nightmare on the night that this song is talking about
“Mavuika (x32)”
In Your Nightmares Tonight: The Explanation
“I’ve tried to overcome that fear for you” means that I have tried to listen and watch it
“But I don’t really know what to do” means that I don’t know what to do to overcome that fear I have when I watch it
“Maybe you can tell me to think about Raiden Ei” This song was written right after I finished the Inazuma Archon Quest
“Or maybe think about Fontaine” Fontaine is my favorite Genshin Impact nation, so that’s the thing I want to dream about
“You say that Sprunki’s funky, and it’s not that scary when
You get used to it” The kids in the live chat don’t act like they’re being traumatized, so they either don’t know what it’s like to be traumatized by it or they’re not showing that they actually do know
“But you don’t know that when I’m shaking in my bed, thinking of Neuvillette
And Wriothesley, but I can’t get it out of my head” I was trying to think of Neuvillette and Wriothesley to calm my brain down on that one specific night
Focalors…?: The Explanation
There is no background information because the background information has already been explained; Version 4.2 of Genshin Impact. (See paragraph 6 on page 2)
“Why do I care more if it’s you?” This song is sung as if I am directly talking to Focalors. I’m basically asking Focalors why I care more about her (and Fontaine) more than anything else in the moment.
“Why do I care more if it’s not true?” I’m asking Focalors why I care more for Furina, who isn’t actually the Hydro Archon.
“Why do I care more about an Archon?” = asking Focalors why I care more about her (again).
“Why do I care more if you die?” This is kind of like some of the lines in Crucabena; I cried when watching Focalors’ death cutscene, but I didn’t cry when my actual dog died.
“Why do I care more if Furina lied?” Again, I’m asking Focalors why I care more about Furina.
“Why do I care enough to write a song?” I’m asking Focalors why I wrote this song.
“Focalors?
I can’t take this anymore” I’m telling Focalors that I can’t not feel sad at the mention of Fontaine’s prophecy
“Isn’t it so lovely?
Why is this a part of the prophecy?” I’m asking Focalors why it had to be the way it was
“How does this finale end?
It ends in pain and tears that have been penned “
Why do I feel like I’m the mistake?
The mistake who only knows how to love Fontaine
It’s your nation, but why am I so loyal?
It was a dog’s death, why wasn’t it awful?
I feel so selfish, I feel so cold
How come it’s only you I know?
Negative Effects of Music on Mental Health
Madison Williams
Rumination may involve continuously worrying about an upcoming test, or it could be started simply by the meaning of one song. I know this because I’ve had experience with it just because I listened to a song.
It all started when I was at the dinner table, trying to recall what songs I listened to when I was a 9 year old child. I remembered I liked listening to this one sped up version of a song called, “I Want You Here” by Plumb. I searched for that specific video I used to watch on YouTube, and I made the mistake of scrolling through the comments. People had said that the song was describing the feelings of a mother who had just found out she had a miscarriage, but it didn’t bother me that much, or at least it didn’t bother me at that moment.
I decided to put my phone down and listen to the song for the first time in about 3 years, and even though it reminded me of when I was younger, for some reason, I started to ask myself if there was an afterlife for that child. That’s where this story began.
That Friday, I had finished watching the first season of one of my favorite shows. I hadn’t thought about what I thought about the other day, but that all changed when I tried to go to sleep. When we go to sleep, some of us let ourselves think about random things, but for me, those random things weren’t the random things I liked to think about. I would usually think about an upcoming event I’m excited for, or maybe it would be one of my favorite characters from Genshin impact, but that night, I asked myself the same thing I did a few days ago.
“Where did that soul go? Where do we go when it’s time for us to leave this world? Heaven?” I asked myself over and over again. I looked up at the clock in my bedroom, and it said 10:51 PM. It was 51 minutes after I had turned off the lights, 51 minutes of me staying awake, 51 minutes of me worrying about something that was completely out of my control; what my cause of death would be and if there would be an afterlife for me. It got so bad to the point where I was literally shaking under the blanket. I couldn’t stop it, I could only wait until I fell asleep.
“Why am I even shaking? Why am I thinking about this? This is something that I shouldn’t be worrying about as a 12 year old, right?” I thought to myself. That was the same question I asked myself if I was supposed to have surgery the next day because I had needed multiple surgeries to the point where the number of surgeries was in the double digits, but this, I thought, was just me overreacting. I was still so young, I still had my whole life ahead of me, but that still didn’t stop me from worrying.
2 weeks later, and there I was, eating dinner with my fellow Girl Scout friends. We were at a campsite, having fun and creating memories, and even though we were creating new memories, I still thought about the same things I thought about on that one Friday night. Even though my mom was sitting right next to me, I decided to text her about the theory I had because I didn’t want anyone to worry about me or anything like that. I told her about how I thought that I was only worried about that sort of stuff because I didn’t really have anything to keep my mind off of that and about how I thought that those thoughts would stop once school started up again, but the first part wouldn’t make that much sense since I was at an event with my friends from Girl Scouts.
After we ate dinner, we found the people who were in our assigned groups, and we decided that we were going to give archery a try. I only gave it a few tries because once I shot my 4 arrows at the target, I would decide to stand in silence until we were allowed to pick up our arrows, and the few seconds I stood in silence were spent thinking about what my cause of death would be. This is what rumination is; dwelling on negative thoughts and feelings.
Later on in the night, we were all in our cabins, getting ready to sit by the campfire, sing, and make s’mores. I was jamming out to my own music, while my other friends were talking to each other. When I was listening to music that had some kind of a good vibe to it, I didn’t worry about anything, I just listened and enjoyed it. That’s what I liked about music.
I do like music sung by choirs, but while I listened to everyone sing around the campfire, it wasn’t as good as I remembered it to be. I would usually enjoy singing with my friends, but that night, it felt like it gave me a “this is the last song you’ll hear in your life” type of vibe. I knew it shouldn’t give me that kind of feeling, but I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about it, no matter how hard I tried.
Before I knew it, it was the next day. We would finally get to go back home. I was looking forward to going home not only because I could play on my phone whenever I wanted to, but because I was going to be able to distract myself from my thoughts. That was exactly what I did when I got home. I stayed in my room and watched YouTube on my TV most of the night, but then I decided to download Genshin Impact on my phone. It had been about a year or 2 since I had played it, and to be honest, I didn’t want to stop playing it, it was only because of the low storage on my Samsung Galaxy S9 that I stopped playing it.
One of the very first things I did in the game was trying to travel all the way to Fontaine since that was one of my favorite nations in Genshin Impact. There was a song called, “La Vaguelette” that came out at about the same time as version 4.2 of Genshin Impact, and I really liked that song. I liked it so much that I even made a cover of the song. I would sometimes sing along to the karaoke version of it, but there was one time where I was listening to the intro of the song and I started to feel something weird in my stomach, almost as if my body was having a negative reaction to the song. Maybe it was because there was a character in the game called Focalors who died in version 4.2 of Genshin Impact, so there was probably something behind my worries about the afterlife.
A few days later, I had an idea. I wanted to create a song about how I felt about my thoughts. It was what I usually did when I felt a negative thought or emotion towards something. I started out by using a MIDI device on BandLab to create the main chords of the song. I didn’t write any lyrics down, I just decided to let myself go in that song and describe exactly how I felt. When I was done, I named the song, “Crucabena”, the name of another deceased character in Genshin Impact, since I felt like that fit the song.
Crucabena: The Explanation
“I wish someone was able to tell me if there was a Heaven” As stated in some of the previous paragraphs, I worried about what was after death.
“I wish I could go back to when my innocence hadn’t ended” basically means I want to be a young child again.
“I wish I could go back to normal” means that I wish I didn’t worry about what happens after death
“I wish I could go back to me” means the same thing as #3
“I wish I could go back to being free” means that I wish I didn’t spend a third of my summer worrying about the afterlife
“I can’t go back to when I was younger, but I wish I was never truly done” means that I want to go back to when I was younger when I can’t, and I wish I could accept that
“I wish I could go back to Crucabena” means I want to go back in time, with the time being before one of my dogs died, so that I can show that I actually care
“I never paid attention to everything” means that there’s always something I’m noy paying attention to
“I didn’t pay attention to anything” means that I feel like I didn’t pay attention to the gravity of the moment when one of my dogs died
“I knew it was a death” means that I knew that dog would never be able to return to the world of the living
“But I just couldn’t let it slip into my childish brain” means that I will always think of my past self as more childish than who I am in the present
“Slip into those childish days when it wasn’t the end of my love for Monsieur Neuvillette” means that I couldn’t let the death of my dog affect me because I felt that my love for Neuvillette, or Monsieur Neuvillette, was more important. Now, I feel like I was foolish to think that because of course it’s not more significant than my dog. I’ve lived with that dog for my whole life up until September of 2023, and Neuvillette wasn’t even released until June or July of 2023.
“I wish I didn’t cry each time I said something” Around the time I started having those thoughts, I would come close to crying if I tried to talk about it.
“I wish I didn’t feel as if I was nothing” exaggeration
“I wish, and I’ll wish for me” means that I won’t lose hope
“Why am I like this sometimes” is me asking myself why I’m childish sometimes
“Why do I even try to wish for my own sanity” is just me contradicting myself and saying I might lose hope
“I can heal and go back to normal” means that I have realized that I’m not stuck worrying and that time isn’t set in stone
“I can heal and go back to me” means the same thing as #18
“Someday I will feel somewhat free” means that I know I will feel like myself again
“I accept I’m not getting any younger, and maybe I’m not truly done” means that I have realized that it’ll be hard to live in the present, but I have accepted it
“I accept I can’t go back to Crucabena” means that I have accepted that nobody will come back from the dead
“At least I have Furina” When I say Furina, I mean the good things in life. This line means that at least there are still good things in life
I think that’s one thing that pushed me back into playing that game. Ever since that one random day when I decided to start playing Genshin Impact again, I’ve regained my love for Fontaine and everything else. I no longer have those worries, and (maybe) the good thing is I got an experience and a song out of it.
What I didn’t know when I was making the song is that I would want to make a lot of revisions to the song. Some lines were revised into new ones, while others were just discarded.
Crucabena: Discarded Lines
“I wish he never hated me” When I say he, I am referring to someone on the internet, and that doesn’t really fit in with the meaning of the song
“I wish he never lied to me” Same thing as #1
“I wish he never called me what Vox called Alastor” The reason I said I regained my love for Fontaine is because I didn’t love Fontaine as much as I currently do back when I was worrying about this, I liked another show (which I will not be mentioning).
“I wish, and I’ll wish for Clervie” Clervie is another deceased character, but I didn’t feel like saying that because of the fact that the whole song would become something else if I said that. See the next few discarded lines for more details.
“I wish I could actually care” While this was a good line, I only said this so that it would rhyme with whatever #6 says.
“I wish you’d listen to me, Peruere” Remember when I said the song was going to become something else? It would turn into me talking to Arlecchino (another Genshin character) if I didn’t revise the lines
“When I only loved Freminet / Freminet and Neuvillette” I had to say Freminet using the incorrect pronunciation for the line to rhyme with Neuvillette.
Mavuika: The Backstory
Apparently there’s something new called Sprunki that’s popular within the generation that is known as Gen Alpha, which is one of the generations I am a part of. Despite this being one of the new things that my generation likes, I would probably say that it’s definitely not something they should be watching on YouTube. This “Sprunki” thing I am talking about is a game that’s supposed to be kind of like Incredibox, which is another sound box game, but creepier than that.
This whole thing started on what would have been just another Thursday. I was eating breakfast and scrolling through my YouTube feed, until I came across one of those YouTube Lives that would show up as Shorts. I usually scrolled past the Live if it wasn’t something I was interested in, but I was curious to see what the livestreamer was playing.
The person streaming wrote something on an online canvas, telling the viewers what to search for if they wanted to play around with the sounds themselves, and just like the music-loving girl I was, I went to Google and searched for it.
It was kind of cool at first, so I decided to see what other “mods” they had. There was some kind of “infected” mod, and even though it had warnings at the beginning, I still wanted to play around with it and see what I could create. Little did I know, it would start to creep me out shortly after that, so I closed out of the app and continued watching other YouTube Shorts. There was no way to disable the feature that would let those live streams pop up on my Shorts feed, so if I scrolled through my feed, I would probably see something related to that.
One day, I decided to try and watch that thing again, hoping to overcome the fear of it, but that just made it worse. Just like that night after watching the last episode of one of my favorite shows, I was shaking in my bed. I wasn’t able to go to sleep until 30 minutes after I started shaking.
Mavuika: The Explanation
The next morning, I was looking for a video to watch, and I found a video about Mavuika. This is where the name came from.
“Think about the positive things in your dreams” This is what my mom told me to do when I told her about this whole thing.
“You can’t understand that it’s hard for me” It was hard for me to think about positive things.
“So please, let me explain my ways” I wanted to say that it wasn’t as easy as she thought it was.
“Let me tell you it’s me
The blame’s on me” It’s my fault for trying to overcome the fear I have of that thing.
“I’m too childish for this life
Too childish for this tonight
With my childish fears” I felt childish. I felt like a 12 year old shouldn’t be afraid of something that younger children watch and enjoy.
“I don’t deserve the flame” People have said that Mavuika’s hair can literally turn into fire.
“I don’t deserve to say your name tonight, Mavuika” = “I don’t deserve to know someone as cool as you, Mavuika”
“I don’t deserve to say anything
I don’t deserve to have anything
I deserve nothing, Mavuika” Exaggeration
“Familiar with this shade of red
It’s the shade of red from my nightmares” If you actually go onto the sprunki.org website and click on one of the mods, there’s probably going to be a red background
“The ones I fear” ones = characters from those mods
“I feel like no one, no one in the world would care” = “I feel like no one in the world would understand
“I don’t need to be held in your warm embrace” means that I don’t feel like I need to feel like my younger self again, but I like feeling like my younger self
“Mavuika, I don’t deserve this
I don’t deserve you
I deserve the [redacted] of lives
I don’t deserve it
I don’t deserve this
I deserve the [redacted] of nights
Nights” means that I feel like i should (and will) have a nightmare on the night that this song is talking about
“Mavuika (x32)”
In Your Nightmares Tonight: The Explanation
“I’ve tried to overcome that fear for you” means that I have tried to listen and watch it
“But I don’t really know what to do” means that I don’t know what to do to overcome that fear I have when I watch it
“Maybe you can tell me to think about Raiden Ei” This song was written right after I finished the Inazuma Archon Quest
“Or maybe think about Fontaine” Fontaine is my favorite Genshin Impact nation, so that’s the thing I want to dream about
“You say that Sprunki’s funky, and it’s not that scary when
You get used to it” The kids in the live chat don’t act like they’re being traumatized, so they either don’t know what it’s like to be traumatized by it or they’re not showing that they actually do know
“But you don’t know that when I’m shaking in my bed, thinking of Neuvillette
And Wriothesley, but I can’t get it out of my head” I was trying to think of Neuvillette and Wriothesley to calm my brain down on that one specific night
Focalors…?: The Explanation
There is no background information because the background information has already been explained; Version 4.2 of Genshin Impact. (See paragraph 6 on page 2)
“Why do I care more if it’s you?” This song is sung as if I am directly talking to Focalors. I’m basically asking Focalors why I care more about her (and Fontaine) more than anything else in the moment.
“Why do I care more if it’s not true?” I’m asking Focalors why I care more for Furina, who isn’t actually the Hydro Archon.
“Why do I care more about an Archon?” = asking Focalors why I care more about her (again).
“Why do I care more if you die?” This is kind of like some of the lines in Crucabena; I cried when watching Focalors’ death cutscene, but I didn’t cry when my actual dog died.
“Why do I care more if Furina lied?” Again, I’m asking Focalors why I care more about Furina.
“Why do I care enough to write a song?” I’m asking Focalors why I wrote this song.
“Focalors?
I can’t take this anymore” I’m telling Focalors that I can’t not feel sad at the mention of Fontaine’s prophecy
“Isn’t it so lovely?
Why is this a part of the prophecy?” I’m asking Focalors why it had to be the way it was
“How does this finale end?
It ends in pain and tears that have been penned “
Why do I feel like I’m the mistake?
The mistake who only knows how to love Fontaine
It’s your nation, but why am I so loyal?
It was a dog’s death, why wasn’t it awful?
I feel so selfish, I feel so cold
How come it’s only you I know?
Negative Effects of Music on Mental Health
Madison Williams
Rumination may involve continuously worrying about an upcoming test, or it could be started simply by the meaning of one song. I know this because I’ve had experience with it just because I listened to a song.
It all started when I was at the dinner table, trying to recall what songs I listened to when I was a 9 year old child. I remembered I liked listening to this one sped up version of a song called, “I Want You Here” by Plumb. I searched for that specific video I used to watch on YouTube, and I made the mistake of scrolling through the comments. People had said that the song was describing the feelings of a mother who had just found out she had a miscarriage, but it didn’t bother me that much, or at least it didn’t bother me at that moment.
I decided to put my phone down and listen to the song for the first time in about 3 years, and even though it reminded me of when I was younger, for some reason, I started to ask myself if there was an afterlife for that child. That’s where this story began.
That Friday, I had finished watching the first season of one of my favorite shows. I hadn’t thought about what I thought about the other day, but that all changed when I tried to go to sleep. When we go to sleep, some of us let ourselves think about random things, but for me, those random things weren’t the random things I liked to think about. I would usually think about an upcoming event I’m excited for, or maybe it would be one of my favorite characters from Genshin impact, but that night, I asked myself the same thing I did a few days ago.
“Where did that soul go? Where do we go when it’s time for us to leave this world? Heaven?” I asked myself over and over again. I looked up at the clock in my bedroom, and it said 10:51 PM. It was 51 minutes after I had turned off the lights, 51 minutes of me staying awake, 51 minutes of me worrying about something that was completely out of my control; what my cause of death would be and if there would be an afterlife for me. It got so bad to the point where I was literally shaking under the blanket. I couldn’t stop it, I could only wait until I fell asleep.
“Why am I even shaking? Why am I thinking about this? This is something that I shouldn’t be worrying about as a 12 year old, right?” I thought to myself. That was the same question I asked myself if I was supposed to have surgery the next day because I had needed multiple surgeries to the point where the number of surgeries was in the double digits, but this, I thought, was just me overreacting. I was still so young, I still had my whole life ahead of me, but that still didn’t stop me from worrying.
2 weeks later, and there I was, eating dinner with my fellow Girl Scout friends. We were at a campsite, having fun and creating memories, and even though we were creating new memories, I still thought about the same things I thought about on that one Friday night. Even though my mom was sitting right next to me, I decided to text her about the theory I had because I didn’t want anyone to worry about me or anything like that. I told her about how I thought that I was only worried about that sort of stuff because I didn’t really have anything to keep my mind off of that and about how I thought that those thoughts would stop once school started up again, but the first part wouldn’t make that much sense since I was at an event with my friends from Girl Scouts.
After we ate dinner, we found the people who were in our assigned groups, and we decided that we were going to give archery a try. I only gave it a few tries because once I shot my 4 arrows at the target, I would decide to stand in silence until we were allowed to pick up our arrows, and the few seconds I stood in silence were spent thinking about what my cause of death would be. This is what rumination is; dwelling on negative thoughts and feelings.
Later on in the night, we were all in our cabins, getting ready to sit by the campfire, sing, and make s’mores. I was jamming out to my own music, while my other friends were talking to each other. When I was listening to music that had some kind of a good vibe to it, I didn’t worry about anything, I just listened and enjoyed it. That’s what I liked about music.
I do like music sung by choirs, but while I listened to everyone sing around the campfire, it wasn’t as good as I remembered it to be. I would usually enjoy singing with my friends, but that night, it felt like it gave me a “this is the last song you’ll hear in your life” type of vibe. I knew it shouldn’t give me that kind of feeling, but I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about it, no matter how hard I tried.
Before I knew it, it was the next day. We would finally get to go back home. I was looking forward to going home not only because I could play on my phone whenever I wanted to, but because I was going to be able to distract myself from my thoughts. That was exactly what I did when I got home. I stayed in my room and watched YouTube on my TV most of the night, but then I decided to download Genshin Impact on my phone. It had been about a year or 2 since I had played it, and to be honest, I didn’t want to stop playing it, it was only because of the low storage on my Samsung Galaxy S9 that I stopped playing it.
One of the very first things I did in the game was trying to travel all the way to Fontaine since that was one of my favorite nations in Genshin Impact. There was a song called, “La Vaguelette” that came out at about the same time as version 4.2 of Genshin Impact, and I really liked that song. I liked it so much that I even made a cover of the song. I would sometimes sing along to the karaoke version of it, but there was one time where I was listening to the intro of the song and I started to feel something weird in my stomach, almost as if my body was having a negative reaction to the song. Maybe it was because there was a character in the game called Focalors who died in version 4.2 of Genshin Impact, so there was probably something behind my worries about the afterlife.
A few days later, I had an idea. I wanted to create a song about how I felt about my thoughts. It was what I usually did when I felt a negative thought or emotion towards something. I started out by using a MIDI device on BandLab to create the main chords of the song. I didn’t write any lyrics down, I just decided to let myself go in that song and describe exactly how I felt. When I was done, I named the song, “Crucabena”, the name of another deceased character in Genshin Impact, since I felt like that fit the song.
Crucabena: The Explanation
“I wish someone was able to tell me if there was a Heaven” As stated in some of the previous paragraphs, I worried about what was after death.
“I wish I could go back to when my innocence hadn’t ended” basically means I want to be a young child again.
“I wish I could go back to normal” means that I wish I didn’t worry about what happens after death
“I wish I could go back to me” means the same thing as #3
“I wish I could go back to being free” means that I wish I didn’t spend a third of my summer worrying about the afterlife
“I can’t go back to when I was younger, but I wish I was never truly done” means that I want to go back to when I was younger when I can’t, and I wish I could accept that
“I wish I could go back to Crucabena” means I want to go back in time, with the time being before one of my dogs died, so that I can show that I actually care
“I never paid attention to everything” means that there’s always something I’m noy paying attention to
“I didn’t pay attention to anything” means that I feel like I didn’t pay attention to the gravity of the moment when one of my dogs died
“I knew it was a death” means that I knew that dog would never be able to return to the world of the living
“But I just couldn’t let it slip into my childish brain” means that I will always think of my past self as more childish than who I am in the present
“Slip into those childish days when it wasn’t the end of my love for Monsieur Neuvillette” means that I couldn’t let the death of my dog affect me because I felt that my love for Neuvillette, or Monsieur Neuvillette, was more important. Now, I feel like I was foolish to think that because of course it’s not more significant than my dog. I’ve lived with that dog for my whole life up until September of 2023, and Neuvillette wasn’t even released until June or July of 2023.
“I wish I didn’t cry each time I said something” Around the time I started having those thoughts, I would come close to crying if I tried to talk about it.
“I wish I didn’t feel as if I was nothing” exaggeration
“I wish, and I’ll wish for me” means that I won’t lose hope
“Why am I like this sometimes” is me asking myself why I’m childish sometimes
“Why do I even try to wish for my own sanity” is just me contradicting myself and saying I might lose hope
“I can heal and go back to normal” means that I have realized that I’m not stuck worrying and that time isn’t set in stone
“I can heal and go back to me” means the same thing as #18
“Someday I will feel somewhat free” means that I know I will feel like myself again
“I accept I’m not getting any younger, and maybe I’m not truly done” means that I have realized that it’ll be hard to live in the present, but I have accepted it
“I accept I can’t go back to Crucabena” means that I have accepted that nobody will come back from the dead
“At least I have Furina” When I say Furina, I mean the good things in life. This line means that at least there are still good things in life
I think that’s one thing that pushed me back into playing that game. Ever since that one random day when I decided to start playing Genshin Impact again, I’ve regained my love for Fontaine and everything else. I no longer have those worries, and (maybe) the good thing is I got an experience and a song out of it.
What I didn’t know when I was making the song is that I would want to make a lot of revisions to the song. Some lines were revised into new ones, while others were just discarded.
Crucabena: Discarded Lines
“I wish he never hated me” When I say he, I am referring to someone on the internet, and that doesn’t really fit in with the meaning of the song
“I wish he never lied to me” Same thing as #1
“I wish he never called me what Vox called Alastor” The reason I said I regained my love for Fontaine is because I didn’t love Fontaine as much as I currently do back when I was worrying about this, I liked another show (which I will not be mentioning).
“I wish, and I’ll wish for Clervie” Clervie is another deceased character, but I didn’t feel like saying that because of the fact that the whole song would become something else if I said that. See the next few discarded lines for more details.
“I wish I could actually care” While this was a good line, I only said this so that it would rhyme with whatever #6 says.
“I wish you’d listen to me, Peruere” Remember when I said the song was going to become something else? It would turn into me talking to Arlecchino (another Genshin character) if I didn’t revise the lines
“When I only loved Freminet / Freminet and Neuvillette” I had to say Freminet using the incorrect pronunciation for the line to rhyme with Neuvillette.
Mavuika: The Backstory
Apparently there’s something new called Sprunki that’s popular within the generation that is known as Gen Alpha, which is one of the generations I am a part of. Despite this being one of the new things that my generation likes, I would probably say that it’s definitely not something they should be watching on YouTube. This “Sprunki” thing I am talking about is a game that’s supposed to be kind of like Incredibox, which is another sound box game, but creepier than that.
This whole thing started on what would have been just another Thursday. I was eating breakfast and scrolling through my YouTube feed, until I came across one of those YouTube Lives that would show up as Shorts. I usually scrolled past the Live if it wasn’t something I was interested in, but I was curious to see what the livestreamer was playing.
The person streaming wrote something on an online canvas, telling the viewers what to search for if they wanted to play around with the sounds themselves, and just like the music-loving girl I was, I went to Google and searched for it.
It was kind of cool at first, so I decided to see what other “mods” they had. There was some kind of “infected” mod, and even though it had warnings at the beginning, I still wanted to play around with it and see what I could create. Little did I know, it would start to creep me out shortly after that, so I closed out of the app and continued watching other YouTube Shorts. There was no way to disable the feature that would let those live streams pop up on my Shorts feed, so if I scrolled through my feed, I would probably see something related to that.
One day, I decided to try and watch that thing again, hoping to overcome the fear of it, but that just made it worse. Just like that night after watching the last episode of one of my favorite shows, I was shaking in my bed. I wasn’t able to go to sleep until 30 minutes after I started shaking.
Mavuika: The Explanation
The next morning, I was looking for a video to watch, and I found a video about Mavuika. This is where the name came from.
“Think about the positive things in your dreams” This is what my mom told me to do when I told her about this whole thing.
“You can’t understand that it’s hard for me” It was hard for me to think about positive things.
“So please, let me explain my ways” I wanted to say that it wasn’t as easy as she thought it was.
“Let me tell you it’s me
The blame’s on me” It’s my fault for trying to overcome the fear I have of that thing.
“I’m too childish for this life
Too childish for this tonight
With my childish fears” I felt childish. I felt like a 12 year old shouldn’t be afraid of something that younger children watch and enjoy.
“I don’t deserve the flame” People have said that Mavuika’s hair can literally turn into fire.
“I don’t deserve to say your name tonight, Mavuika” = “I don’t deserve to know someone as cool as you, Mavuika”
“I don’t deserve to say anything
I don’t deserve to have anything
I deserve nothing, Mavuika” Exaggeration
“Familiar with this shade of red
It’s the shade of red from my nightmares” If you actually go onto the sprunki.org website and click on one of the mods, there’s probably going to be a red background
“The ones I fear” ones = characters from those mods
“I feel like no one, no one in the world would care” = “I feel like no one in the world would understand
“I don’t need to be held in your warm embrace” means that I don’t feel like I need to feel like my younger self again, but I like feeling like my younger self
“Mavuika, I don’t deserve this
I don’t deserve you
I deserve the [redacted] of lives
I don’t deserve it
I don’t deserve this
I deserve the [redacted] of nights
Nights” means that I feel like i should (and will) have a nightmare on the night that this song is talking about
“Mavuika (x32)”
In Your Nightmares Tonight: The Explanation
“I’ve tried to overcome that fear for you” means that I have tried to listen and watch it
“But I don’t really know what to do” means that I don’t know what to do to overcome that fear I have when I watch it
“Maybe you can tell me to think about Raiden Ei” This song was written right after I finished the Inazuma Archon Quest
“Or maybe think about Fontaine” Fontaine is my favorite Genshin Impact nation, so that’s the thing I want to dream about
“You say that Sprunki’s funky, and it’s not that scary when
You get used to it” The kids in the live chat don’t act like they’re being traumatized, so they either don’t know what it’s like to be traumatized by it or they’re not showing that they actually do know
“But you don’t know that when I’m shaking in my bed, thinking of Neuvillette
And Wriothesley, but I can’t get it out of my head” I was trying to think of Neuvillette and Wriothesley to calm my brain down on that one specific night
Focalors…?: The Explanation
There is no background information because the background information has already been explained; Version 4.2 of Genshin Impact. (See paragraph 6 on page 2)
“Why do I care more if it’s you?” This song is sung as if I am directly talking to Focalors. I’m basically asking Focalors why I care more about her (and Fontaine) more than anything else in the moment.
“Why do I care more if it’s not true?” I’m asking Focalors why I care more for Furina, who isn’t actually the Hydro Archon.
“Why do I care more about an Archon?” = asking Focalors why I care more about her (again).
“Why do I care more if you die?” This is kind of like some of the lines in Crucabena; I cried when watching Focalors’ death cutscene, but I didn’t cry when my actual dog died.
“Why do I care more if Furina lied?” Again, I’m asking Focalors why I care more about Furina.
“Why do I care enough to write a song?” I’m asking Focalors why I wrote this song.
“Focalors?
I can’t take this anymore” I’m telling Focalors that I can’t not feel sad at the mention of Fontaine’s prophecy
“Isn’t it so lovely?
Why is this a part of the prophecy?” I’m asking Focalors why it had to be the way it was
“How does this finale end?
It ends in pain and tears that have been penned “
Why do I feel like I’m the mistake?
The mistake who only knows how to love Fontaine
It’s your nation, but why am I so loyal?
It was a dog’s death, why wasn’t it awful?
I feel so selfish, I feel so cold
How come it’s only you I know?
Negative Effects of Music on Mental Health
Madison Williams
Rumination may involve continuously worrying about an upcoming test, or it could be started simply by the meaning of one song. I know this because I’ve had experience with it just because I listened to a song.
It all started when I was at the dinner table, trying to recall what songs I listened to when I was a 9 year old child. I remembered I liked listening to this one sped up version of a song called, “I Want You Here” by Plumb. I searched for that specific video I used to watch on YouTube, and I made the mistake of scrolling through the comments. People had said that the song was describing the feelings of a mother who had just found out she had a miscarriage, but it didn’t bother me that much, or at least it didn’t bother me at that moment.
I decided to put my phone down and listen to the song for the first time in about 3 years, and even though it reminded me of when I was younger, for some reason, I started to ask myself if there was an afterlife for that child. That’s where this story began.
That Friday, I had finished watching the first season of one of my favorite shows. I hadn’t thought about what I thought about the other day, but that all changed when I tried to go to sleep. When we go to sleep, some of us let ourselves think about random things, but for me, those random things weren’t the random things I liked to think about. I would usually think about an upcoming event I’m excited for, or maybe it would be one of my favorite characters from Genshin impact, but that night, I asked myself the same thing I did a few days ago.
“Where did that soul go? Where do we go when it’s time for us to leave this world? Heaven?” I asked myself over and over again. I looked up at the clock in my bedroom, and it said 10:51 PM. It was 51 minutes after I had turned off the lights, 51 minutes of me staying awake, 51 minutes of me worrying about something that was completely out of my control; what my cause of death would be and if there would be an afterlife for me. It got so bad to the point where I was literally shaking under the blanket. I couldn’t stop it, I could only wait until I fell asleep.
“Why am I even shaking? Why am I thinking about this? This is something that I shouldn’t be worrying about as a 12 year old, right?” I thought to myself. That was the same question I asked myself if I was supposed to have surgery the next day because I had needed multiple surgeries to the point where the number of surgeries was in the double digits, but this, I thought, was just me overreacting. I was still so young, I still had my whole life ahead of me, but that still didn’t stop me from worrying.
2 weeks later, and there I was, eating dinner with my fellow Girl Scout friends. We were at a campsite, having fun and creating memories, and even though we were creating new memories, I still thought about the same things I thought about on that one Friday night. Even though my mom was sitting right next to me, I decided to text her about the theory I had because I didn’t want anyone to worry about me or anything like that. I told her about how I thought that I was only worried about that sort of stuff because I didn’t really have anything to keep my mind off of that and about how I thought that those thoughts would stop once school started up again, but the first part wouldn’t make that much sense since I was at an event with my friends from Girl Scouts.
After we ate dinner, we found the people who were in our assigned groups, and we decided that we were going to give archery a try. I only gave it a few tries because once I shot my 4 arrows at the target, I would decide to stand in silence until we were allowed to pick up our arrows, and the few seconds I stood in silence were spent thinking about what my cause of death would be. This is what rumination is; dwelling on negative thoughts and feelings.
Later on in the night, we were all in our cabins, getting ready to sit by the campfire, sing, and make s’mores. I was jamming out to my own music, while my other friends were talking to each other. When I was listening to music that had some kind of a good vibe to it, I didn’t worry about anything, I just listened and enjoyed it. That’s what I liked about music.
I do like music sung by choirs, but while I listened to everyone sing around the campfire, it wasn’t as good as I remembered it to be. I would usually enjoy singing with my friends, but that night, it felt like it gave me a “this is the last song you’ll hear in your life” type of vibe. I knew it shouldn’t give me that kind of feeling, but I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about it, no matter how hard I tried.
Before I knew it, it was the next day. We would finally get to go back home. I was looking forward to going home not only because I could play on my phone whenever I wanted to, but because I was going to be able to distract myself from my thoughts. That was exactly what I did when I got home. I stayed in my room and watched YouTube on my TV most of the night, but then I decided to download Genshin Impact on my phone. It had been about a year or 2 since I had played it, and to be honest, I didn’t want to stop playing it, it was only because of the low storage on my Samsung Galaxy S9 that I stopped playing it.
One of the very first things I did in the game was trying to travel all the way to Fontaine since that was one of my favorite nations in Genshin Impact. There was a song called, “La Vaguelette” that came out at about the same time as version 4.2 of Genshin Impact, and I really liked that song. I liked it so much that I even made a cover of the song. I would sometimes sing along to the karaoke version of it, but there was one time where I was listening to the intro of the song and I started to feel something weird in my stomach, almost as if my body was having a negative reaction to the song. Maybe it was because there was a character in the game called Focalors who died in version 4.2 of Genshin Impact, so there was probably something behind my worries about the afterlife.
A few days later, I had an idea. I wanted to create a song about how I felt about my thoughts. It was what I usually did when I felt a negative thought or emotion towards something. I started out by using a MIDI device on BandLab to create the main chords of the song. I didn’t write any lyrics down, I just decided to let myself go in that song and describe exactly how I felt. When I was done, I named the song, “Crucabena”, the name of another deceased character in Genshin Impact, since I felt like that fit the song.
Crucabena: The Explanation
“I wish someone was able to tell me if there was a Heaven” As stated in some of the previous paragraphs, I worried about what was after death.
“I wish I could go back to when my innocence hadn’t ended” basically means I want to be a young child again.
“I wish I could go back to normal” means that I wish I didn’t worry about what happens after death
“I wish I could go back to me” means the same thing as #3
“I wish I could go back to being free” means that I wish I didn’t spend a third of my summer worrying about the afterlife
“I can’t go back to when I was younger, but I wish I was never truly done” means that I want to go back to when I was younger when I can’t, and I wish I could accept that
“I wish I could go back to Crucabena” means I want to go back in time, with the time being before one of my dogs died, so that I can show that I actually care
“I never paid attention to everything” means that there’s always something I’m noy paying attention to
“I didn’t pay attention to anything” means that I feel like I didn’t pay attention to the gravity of the moment when one of my dogs died
“I knew it was a death” means that I knew that dog would never be able to return to the world of the living
“But I just couldn’t let it slip into my childish brain” means that I will always think of my past self as more childish than who I am in the present
“Slip into those childish days when it wasn’t the end of my love for Monsieur Neuvillette” means that I couldn’t let the death of my dog affect me because I felt that my love for Neuvillette, or Monsieur Neuvillette, was more important. Now, I feel like I was foolish to think that because of course it’s not more significant than my dog. I’ve lived with that dog for my whole life up until September of 2023, and Neuvillette wasn’t even released until June or July of 2023.
“I wish I didn’t cry each time I said something” Around the time I started having those thoughts, I would come close to crying if I tried to talk about it.
“I wish I didn’t feel as if I was nothing” exaggeration
“I wish, and I’ll wish for me” means that I won’t lose hope
“Why am I like this sometimes” is me asking myself why I’m childish sometimes
“Why do I even try to wish for my own sanity” is just me contradicting myself and saying I might lose hope
“I can heal and go back to normal” means that I have realized that I’m not stuck worrying and that time isn’t set in stone
“I can heal and go back to me” means the same thing as #18
“Someday I will feel somewhat free” means that I know I will feel like myself again
“I accept I’m not getting any younger, and maybe I’m not truly done” means that I have realized that it’ll be hard to live in the present, but I have accepted it
“I accept I can’t go back to Crucabena” means that I have accepted that nobody will come back from the dead
“At least I have Furina” When I say Furina, I mean the good things in life. This line means that at least there are still good things in life
I think that’s one thing that pushed me back into playing that game. Ever since that one random day when I decided to start playing Genshin Impact again, I’ve regained my love for Fontaine and everything else. I no longer have those worries, and (maybe) the good thing is I got an experience and a song out of it.
What I didn’t know when I was making the song is that I would want to make a lot of revisions to the song. Some lines were revised into new ones, while others were just discarded.
Crucabena: Discarded Lines
“I wish he never hated me” When I say he, I am referring to someone on the internet, and that doesn’t really fit in with the meaning of the song
“I wish he never lied to me” Same thing as #1
“I wish he never called me what Vox called Alastor” The reason I said I regained my love for Fontaine is because I didn’t love Fontaine as much as I currently do back when I was worrying about this, I liked another show (which I will not be mentioning).
“I wish, and I’ll wish for Clervie” Clervie is another deceased character, but I didn’t feel like saying that because of the fact that the whole song would become something else if I said that. See the next few discarded lines for more details.
“I wish I could actually care” While this was a good line, I only said this so that it would rhyme with whatever #6 says.
“I wish you’d listen to me, Peruere” Remember when I said the song was going to become something else? It would turn into me talking to Arlecchino (another Genshin character) if I didn’t revise the lines
“When I only loved Freminet / Freminet and Neuvillette” I had to say Freminet using the incorrect pronunciation for the line to rhyme with Neuvillette.
Mavuika: The Backstory
Apparently there’s something new called Sprunki that’s popular within the generation that is known as Gen Alpha, which is one of the generations I am a part of. Despite this being one of the new things that my generation likes, I would probably say that it’s definitely not something they should be watching on YouTube. This “Sprunki” thing I am talking about is a game that’s supposed to be kind of like Incredibox, which is another sound box game, but creepier than that.
This whole thing started on what would have been just another Thursday. I was eating breakfast and scrolling through my YouTube feed, until I came across one of those YouTube Lives that would show up as Shorts. I usually scrolled past the Live if it wasn’t something I was interested in, but I was curious to see what the livestreamer was playing.
The person streaming wrote something on an online canvas, telling the viewers what to search for if they wanted to play around with the sounds themselves, and just like the music-loving girl I was, I went to Google and searched for it.
It was kind of cool at first, so I decided to see what other “mods” they had. There was some kind of “infected” mod, and even though it had warnings at the beginning, I still wanted to play around with it and see what I could create. Little did I know, it would start to creep me out shortly after that, so I closed out of the app and continued watching other YouTube Shorts. There was no way to disable the feature that would let those live streams pop up on my Shorts feed, so if I scrolled through my feed, I would probably see something related to that.
One day, I decided to try and watch that thing again, hoping to overcome the fear of it, but that just made it worse. Just like that night after watching the last episode of one of my favorite shows, I was shaking in my bed. I wasn’t able to go to sleep until 30 minutes after I started shaking.
Mavuika: The Explanation
The next morning, I was looking for a video to watch, and I found a video about Mavuika. This is where the name came from.
“Think about the positive things in your dreams” This is what my mom told me to do when I told her about this whole thing.
“You can’t understand that it’s hard for me” It was hard for me to think about positive things.
“So please, let me explain my ways” I wanted to say that it wasn’t as easy as she thought it was.
“Let me tell you it’s me
The blame’s on me” It’s my fault for trying to overcome the fear I have of that thing.
“I’m too childish for this life
Too childish for this tonight
With my childish fears” I felt childish. I felt like a 12 year old shouldn’t be afraid of something that younger children watch and enjoy.
“I don’t deserve the flame” People have said that Mavuika’s hair can literally turn into fire.
“I don’t deserve to say your name tonight, Mavuika” = “I don’t deserve to know someone as cool as you, Mavuika”
“I don’t deserve to say anything
I don’t deserve to have anything
I deserve nothing, Mavuika” Exaggeration
“Familiar with this shade of red
It’s the shade of red from my nightmares” If you actually go onto the sprunki.org website and click on one of the mods, there’s probably going to be a red background
“The ones I fear” ones = characters from those mods
“I feel like no one, no one in the world would care” = “I feel like no one in the world would understand
“I don’t need to be held in your warm embrace” means that I don’t feel like I need to feel like my younger self again, but I like feeling like my younger self
“Mavuika, I don’t deserve this
I don’t deserve you
I deserve the [redacted] of lives
I don’t deserve it
I don’t deserve this
I deserve the [redacted] of nights
Nights” means that I feel like i should (and will) have a nightmare on the night that this song is talking about
“Mavuika (x32)”
In Your Nightmares Tonight: The Explanation
“I’ve tried to overcome that fear for you” means that I have tried to listen and watch it
“But I don’t really know what to do” means that I don’t know what to do to overcome that fear I have when I watch it
“Maybe you can tell me to think about Raiden Ei” This song was written right after I finished the Inazuma Archon Quest
“Or maybe think about Fontaine” Fontaine is my favorite Genshin Impact nation, so that’s the thing I want to dream about
“You say that Sprunki’s funky, and it’s not that scary when
You get used to it” The kids in the live chat don’t act like they’re being traumatized, so they either don’t know what it’s like to be traumatized by it or they’re not showing that they actually do know
“But you don’t know that when I’m shaking in my bed, thinking of Neuvillette
And Wriothesley, but I can’t get it out of my head” I was trying to think of Neuvillette and Wriothesley to calm my brain down on that one specific night
Focalors…?: The Explanation
There is no background information because the background information has already been explained; Version 4.2 of Genshin Impact. (See paragraph 6 on page 2)
“Why do I care more if it’s you?” This song is sung as if I am directly talking to Focalors. I’m basically asking Focalors why I care more about her (and Fontaine) more than anything else in the moment.
“Why do I care more if it’s not true?” I’m asking Focalors why I care more for Furina, who isn’t actually the Hydro Archon.
“Why do I care more about an Archon?” = asking Focalors why I care more about her (again).
“Why do I care more if you die?” This is kind of like some of the lines in Crucabena; I cried when watching Focalors’ death cutscene, but I didn’t cry when my actual dog died.
“Why do I care more if Furina lied?” Again, I’m asking Focalors why I care more about Furina.
“Why do I care enough to write a song?” I’m asking Focalors why I wrote this song.
“Focalors?
I can’t take this anymore” I’m telling Focalors that I can’t not feel sad at the mention of Fontaine’s prophecy
“Isn’t it so lovely?
Why is this a part of the prophecy?” I’m asking Focalors why it had to be the way it was
“How does this finale end?
It ends in pain and tears that have been penned “
Why do I feel like I’m the mistake?
The mistake who only knows how to love Fontaine
It’s your nation, but why am I so loyal?
It was a dog’s death, why wasn’t it awful?
I feel so selfish, I feel so cold
How come it’s only you I know?
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border-block-start-style Sets the style of the border at the start in the block direction
border-block-start-width Sets the width of the border at the start in the block direction
border-block-style Sets the style of the borders at start and end in the block direction
border-block-width Sets the width of the borders at start and end in the block direction
border-bottom A shorthand property for border-bottom-width, border-bottom-style and border-bottom-color
border-bottom-color Sets the color of the bottom border
border-bottom-left-radius Defines the radius of the border of the bottom-left corner
border-bottom-right-radius Defines the radius of the border of the bottom-right corner
border-bottom-style Sets the style of the bottom border
border-bottom-width Sets the width of the bottom border
border-collapse Sets whether table borders should collapse into a single border or be separated
border-color Sets the color of the four borders
border-end-end-radius Sets the radius of the corner between the block-end and the inline-end sides of the element
border-end-start-radius Sets the radius of the corner between the block-end and the inline-start sides of the element
border-image A shorthand property for all the border-image-* properties
border-image-outset Specifies the amount by which the border image area extends beyond the border box
border-image-repeat Specifies whether the border image should be repeated, rounded or stretched
border-image-slice Specifies how to slice the border image
border-image-source Specifies the path to the image to be used as a border
border-image-width Specifies the width of the border image
border-inline A shorthand property for border-inline-width, border-inline-style and border-inline-color
border-inline-color Sets the color of the borders at start and end in the inline direction
border-inline-end A shorthand property for border-inline-end-width, border-inline-end-style and border-inline-end-color
border-inline-end-color Sets the color of the border at the end in the inline direction
border-inline-end-style Sets the style of the border at the end in the inline direction
border-inline-end-width Sets the width of the border at the end in the inline direction
border-inline-start A shorthand property for border-inline-start-width, border-inline-start-style and border-inline-start-color
border-inline-start-color Sets the color of the border at the start in the inline direction
border-inline-start-style Sets the style of the border at the start in the inline direction
border-inline-start-width Sets the width of the border at the start in the inline direction
border-inline-style Sets the style of the borders at start and end in the inline direction
border-inline-width Sets the width of the borders at start and end in the inline direction
border-left A shorthand property for all the border-left-* properties
border-left-color Sets the color of the left border
border-left-style Sets the style of the left border
border-left-width Sets the width of the left border
border-radius A shorthand property for the four border-*-radius properties
border-right A shorthand property for all the border-right-* properties
border-right-color Sets the color of the right border
border-right-style Sets the style of the right border
border-right-width Sets the width of the right border
border-spacing Sets the distance between the borders of adjacent cells
border-start-end-radius Sets the radius of the corner between the block-start and the inline-end sides of the element
border-start-start-radius Sets the radius of the corner between the block-start and the inline-start sides of the element
border-style Sets the style of the four borders
border-top A shorthand property for border-top-width, border-top-style and border-top-color
border-top-color Sets the color of the top border
border-top-left-radius Defines the radius of the border of the top-left corner
border-top-right-radius Defines the radius of the border of the top-right corner
border-top-style Sets the style of the top border
border-top-width Sets the width of the top border
border-width Sets the width of the four borders
bottom Sets the elements position, from the bottom of its parent element
box-decoration-break Sets the behavior of the background and border of an element at page-break, or, for in-line elements, at line-break.
box-reflect The box-reflect property is used to create a reflection of an element.
box-shadow Attaches one or more shadows to an element
box-sizing Defines how the width and height of an element are calculated: should they include padding and borders, or not
break-after Specifies whether or not a page-, column-, or region-break should occur after the specified element
break-before Specifies whether or not a page-, column-, or region-break should occur before the specified element
break-inside Specifies whether or not a page-, column-, or region-break should occur inside the specified element
caption-side Specifies the placement of a table caption
caret-color Specifies the color of the cursor (caret) in inputs, textareas, or any element that is editable
@charset Specifies the character encoding used in the style sheet
clear Specifies what should happen with the element that is next to a floating element
clip Deprecated in favor of clip-path. Clips an absolutely positioned element
clip-path Clips an element to a basic shape or to an SVG source
color Sets the color of text
color-scheme Indicates which operating system color scheme an element should render with
column-count Specifies the number of columns an element should be divided into
column-fill Specifies how to fill columns, balanced or not
column-gap Specifies the gap between the columns
column-rule A shorthand property for all the column-rule-* properties
column-rule-color Specifies the color of the rule between columns
column-rule-style Specifies the style of the rule between columns
column-rule-width Specifies the width of the rule between columns
column-span Specifies how many columns an element should span across
column-width Specifies the column width
columns A shorthand property for column-width and column-count
@container Define styles for elements in container, depending on the container's size or style
content Used with the :before and :after pseudo-elements, to insert generated content
counter-increment Increases or decreases the value of one or more CSS counters
counter-reset Creates or resets one or more CSS counters
counter-set Creates or sets one or more CSS counters
@counter-style Lets you define your own counter styles
cursor Specifies the mouse cursor to be displayed when pointing over an element
direction Specifies the text direction/writing direction
display Specifies how a certain HTML element should be displayed
empty-cells Specifies whether or not to display borders and background on empty cells in a table
filter Defines effects (e.g. blurring or color shifting) on an element before the element is displayed
flex A shorthand property for the flex-grow, flex-shrink, and the flex-basis properties
flex-basis Specifies the initial length of a flexible item
flex-direction Specifies the direction of the flexible items
flex-flow A shorthand property for the flex-direction and the flex-wrap properties
flex-grow Specifies how much the item will grow relative to the rest
flex-shrink Specifies how the item will shrink relative to the rest
flex-wrap Specifies whether the flexible items should wrap or not
float Specifies whether an element should float to the left, right, or not at all
font A shorthand property for the font-style, font-variant, font-weight, font-size/line-height, and the font-family properties
@font-face Specifies a custom font to use to display text
font-family Specifies the font family for text
font-feature-settings Allows control over advanced typographic features in OpenType fonts
font-kerning Controls the usage of the kerning information (how letters are spaced)
font-language-override Controls the usage of language-specific glyphs in a typeface
@font-palette-values Allows you to customize the default values of a font-palette
font-size Specifies the font size of text
font-size-adjust Preserves the readability and size of text when fallback font occurs
font-stretch Selects a normal, condensed, or expanded face from a font family
font-style Specifies the font style for text
font-synthesis Controls which missing typefaces (bold or italic) may be synthesized by the browser
font-variant Specifies whether or not a text should be displayed in a small-caps font
font-variant-alternates Controls the usage of alternate glyphs associated to alternative names defined in @font-feature-values
font-variant-caps Controls the usage of alternate glyphs for capital letters
font-variant-east-asian Controls the usage of alternate glyphs for East Asian scripts (e.g Japanese and Chinese)
font-variant-ligatures Controls which ligatures and contextual forms are used in textual content of the elements it applies to
font-variant-numeric Controls the usage of alternate glyphs for numbers, fractions, and ordinal markers
font-variant-position Controls the usage of alternate glyphs of smaller size positioned as superscript or subscript regarding the baseline of the font
font-weight Specifies the weight of a font
gap A shorthand property for the row-gap and the column-gap properties
grid A shorthand property for the grid-template-rows, grid-template-columns, grid-template-areas, grid-auto-rows, grid-auto-columns, and the grid-auto-flow properties
grid-area Either specifies a name for the grid item, or this property is a shorthand property for the grid-row-start, grid-column-start, grid-row-end, and grid-column-end properties
grid-auto-columns Specifies a default column size
grid-auto-flow Specifies how auto-placed items are inserted in the grid
grid-auto-rows Specifies a default row size
grid-column A shorthand property for the grid-column-start and the grid-column-end properties
grid-column-end Specifies where to end the grid item
grid-column-start Specifies where to start the grid item
grid-row A shorthand property for the grid-row-start and the grid-row-end properties
grid-row-end Specifies where to end the grid item
grid-row-start Specifies where to start the grid item
grid-template A shorthand property for the grid-template-rows, grid-template-columns and grid-areas properties
grid-template-areas Specifies how to display columns and rows, using named grid items
grid-template-columns Specifies the size of the columns, and how many columns in a grid layout
grid-template-rows Specifies the size of the rows in a grid layout
hanging-punctuation Specifies whether a punctuation character may be placed outside the line box
height Sets the height of an element
hyphens Sets how to split words to improve the layout of text
hypenate-character Sets the character used at the end of line, before a hyphenation break
image-rendering Specifies the type of algorithm to use for image scaling
@import Allows you to import a style sheet into another style sheet
initial-letter Specifies the size of the initial-letter and optionally the number of lines the initial letter should sink (down in the text)
inline-size Specifies the size of an element in the inline direction
inset Specifies the distance between an element and the parent element
inset-block Specifies the distance between an element and the parent element in the block direction
inset-block-end Specifies the distance between the end of an element and the parent element in the block direction
inset-block-start Specifies the distance between the start of an element and the parent element in the block direction
inset-inline Specifies the distance between an element and the parent element in the inline direction
inset-inline-end Specifies the distance between the end of an element and the parent element in the inline direction
inset-inline-start Specifies the distance between the start of an element and the parent element in the inline direction
isolation Defines whether an element must create a new stacking content
justify-content Specifies the alignment between the items inside a flexible container when the items do not use all available space
justify-items Is set on the grid container. Specifies the alignment of grid items in the inline direction
justify-self Is set on the grid item. Specifies the alignment of the grid item in the inline direction
@keyframes Controls the steps in an animation by defining styles for points along the animation sequence
@layer Controls how the CSS cascade layers evaluates the order of styles
left Specifies the left position of a positioned element
letter-spacing Increases or decreases the space between characters in a text
line-break Specifies how/if to break lines
line-height Sets the line height
list-style Sets all the properties for a list in one declaration
list-style-image Specifies an image as the list-item marker
list-style-position Specifies the position of the list-item markers (bullet points)
list-style-type Specifies the type of list-item marker
margin Sets all the margin properties in one declaration
margin-block Specifies the margin in the block direction
margin-block-end Specifies the margin at the end in the block direction
margin-block-start Specifies the margin at the start in the block direction
margin-bottom Sets the bottom margin of an element
margin-inline Specifies the margin in the inline direction
margin-inline-end Specifies the margin at the end in the inline direction
margin-inline-start Specifies the margin at the start in the inline direction
margin-left Sets the left margin of an element
margin-right Sets the right margin of an element
margin-top Sets the top margin of an element
marker Points to a marker that will be drawn on all vertices of an element's path (the first, middle, and last)
marker-end Points to a marker that will be drawn on the last vertex of an element's path
marker-mid Points to a marker that will be drawn on all the middle vertices of an element's path
marker-start Points to a marker that will be drawn on the first vertex of an element's path
mask A shorthand property for mask-image, mask-mode, mask-repeat, mask-position, mask-clip, mask-origin, mask-size and mask-composite
mask-clip Specifies which area is affected by a mask image
mask-composite Specifies a compositing operation used on the current mask layer with the mask layers below it
mask-image Specifies an image to be used as a mask layer for an element
mask-mode Specifies whether the mask layer image is treated as a luminance mask or as an alpha mask
mask-origin Specifies the origin position (the mask position area) of a mask layer image
mask-position Sets the starting position of a mask layer image (relative to the mask position area)
mask-repeat Specifies how the mask layer image is repeated
mask-size Specifies the size of a mask layer image
mask-type Specifies whether an SVG <mask> element is treated as a luminance mask or as an alpha mask
max-height Sets the maximum height of an element
max-width Sets the maximum width of an element
@media Sets the style rules for different media types/devices/sizes
max-block-size Sets the maximum size of an element in the block direction
max-inline-size Sets the maximum size of an element in the inline direction
min-block-size Sets the minimum size of an element in the block direction
min-inline-size Sets the minimum size of an element in the inline direction
min-height Sets the minimum height of an element
min-width Sets the minimum width of an element
mix-blend-mode Specifies how an element's content should blend with its direct parent background
@namespace Defines an XML namespace to be used in the style sheet
object-fit Specifies how the contents of a replaced element should be fitted to the box established by its used height and width
object-position Specifies the alignment of the replaced element inside its box
offset A shorthand property for the offset-anchor, offset-distance, offset-path, offset-position, and the offset-rotate properties
offset-anchor Specifies a point on an element that is fixed to the path it is animated along
offset-distance Specifies the position along a path where an animated element is placed
offset-path Specifies the path an element is animated along
offset-position Specifies the initial position of an element along a path
offset-rotate Specifies rotation of an element as it is animated along a path
opacity Sets the opacity level for an element
order Sets the order of the flexible item, relative to the rest
orphans Sets the minimum number of lines that must be left at the bottom of a page or column
outline A shorthand property for the outline-width, outline-style, and the outline-color properties
outline-color Sets the color of an outline
outline-offset Offsets an outline, and draws it beyond the border edge
outline-style Sets the style of an outline
outline-width Sets the width of an outline
overflow
Specifies what happens if content overflows an element's box
overflow-anchor
Specifies whether or not content in viewable area in a scrollable contianer should be pushed down when new content is loaded above
overflow-wrap Specifies whether or not the browser can break lines with long words, if they overflow the container
overflow-x Specifies whether or not to clip the left/right edges of the content, if it overflows the element's content area
overflow-y Specifies whether or not to clip the top/bottom edges of the content, if it overflows the element's content area
overscroll-behavior Specifies whether to have scroll chaining or overscroll affordance in x- and y-directions
overscroll-behavior-block Specifies whether to have scroll chaining or overscroll affordance in the block direction
overscroll-behavior-inline Specifies whether to have scroll chaining or overscroll affordance in the inline direction
overscroll-behavior-x Specifies whether to have scroll chaining or overscroll affordance in x-direction
overscroll-behavior-y Specifies whether to have scroll chaining or overscroll affordance in y-directions
padding A shorthand property for all the padding-* properties
padding-block Specifies the padding in the block direction
padding-block-end Specifies the padding at the end in the block direction
padding-block-start Specifies the padding at the start in the block direction
padding-bottom Sets the bottom padding of an element
padding-inline Specifies the padding in the inline direction
padding-inline-end Specifies the padding at the end in the inline direction
padding-inline-start Specifies the padding at the start in the inline direction
padding-left Sets the left padding of an element
padding-right Sets the right padding of an element
padding-top Sets the top padding of an element
@page Customizes the dimension, orientation, and margins of printed pages
page-break-after Sets the page-break behavior after an element. Replaced by break-after property
page-break-before Sets the page-break behavior before an element. Replaced by break-before property
page-break-inside Sets the page-break behavior inside an element. Replaced by break-inside property
paint-order Sets the order of how an SVG element or text is painted.
perspective Gives a 3D-positioned element some perspective
perspective-origin Defines at which position the user is looking at the 3D-positioned element
place-content Specifies align-content and justify-content property values for flexbox and grid layouts
place-items Specifies align-items and justify-items property values for grid layouts
place-self Specifies align-self and justify-self property values for grid layouts
pointer-events Defines whether or not an element reacts to pointer events
position Specifies the type of positioning method used for an element (static, relative, absolute or fixed)
@property Defines custom CSS properties directly in the stylesheet without having to run any JavaScript
quotes Sets the type of quotation marks for embedded quotations
resize Defines if (and how) an element is resizable by the user
right Specifies the right position of a positioned element
rotate Specifies the rotation of an element
row-gap Specifies the gap between the grid rows
scale Specifies the size of an element by scaling up or down
@scope Allows you to select elements in specific DOM subtrees and target elements precisely without writing overly-specific selectors
scroll-behavior Specifies whether to smoothly animate the scroll position in a scrollable box, instead of a straight jump
scroll-margin Specifies the margin between the snap position and the container
scroll-margin-block Specifies the margin between the snap position and the container in the block direction
scroll-margin-block-end Specifies the end margin between the snap position and the container in the block direction
scroll-margin-block-start Specifies the start margin between the snap position and the container in the block direction
scroll-margin-bottom Specifies the margin between the snap position on the bottom side and the container
scroll-margin-inline Specifies the margin between the snap position and the container in the inline direction
scroll-margin-inline-end Specifies the end margin between the snap position and the container in the inline direction
scroll-margin-inline-start Specifies the start margin between the snap position and the container in the inline direction
scroll-margin-left Specifies the margin between the snap position on the left side and the container
scroll-margin-right Specifies the margin between the snap position on the right side and the container
scroll-margin-top Specifies the margin between the snap position on the top side and the container
scroll-padding Specifies the distance from the container to the snap position on the child elements
scroll-padding-block Specifies the distance in block direction from the container to the snap position on the child elements
scroll-padding-block-end Specifies the distance in block direction from the end of the container to the snap position on the child elements
scroll-padding-block-start Specifies the distance in block direction from the start of the container to the snap position on the child elements
scroll-padding-bottom Specifies the distance from the bottom of the container to the snap position on the child elements
scroll-padding-inline Specifies the distance in inline direction from the container to the snap position on the child elements
scroll-padding-inline-end Specifies the distance in inline direction from the end of the container to the snap position on the child elements
scroll-padding-inline-start Specifies the distance in inline direction from the start of the container to the snap position on the child elements
scroll-padding-left Specifies the distance from the left side of the container to the snap position on the child elements
scroll-padding-right Specifies the distance from the right side of the container to the snap position on the child elements
scroll-padding-top Specifies the distance from the top of the container to the snap position on the child elements
scroll-snap-align Specifies where to position elements when the user stops scrolling
scroll-snap-stop Specifies scroll behaviour after fast swipe on trackpad or touch screen
scroll-snap-type Specifies how snap behaviour should be when scrolling
scrollbar-color Specifies the color of the scrollbar of an element
shape-outside Defines a shape for wrapping for the inline content
@starting-style Defines an element's starting styles before the element gets its first style update
@supports Used to test whether a browser supports a CSS feature
tab-size Specifies the width of a tab character
table-layout Defines the algorithm used to lay out table cells, rows, and columns
text-align Specifies the horizontal alignment of text
text-align-last Describes how the last line of a block or a line right before a forced line break is aligned when text-align is "justify"
text-combine-upright Specifies the combination of multiple characters into the space of a single character
text-decoration Specifies the decoration added to text
text-decoration-color Specifies the color of the text-decoration
text-decoration-line Specifies the type of line in a text-decoration
text-decoration-style Specifies the style of the line in a text decoration
text-decoration-thickness Specifies the thickness of the decoration line
text-emphasis A shorthand property for the text-emphasis-style and text-emphasis-color properties
text-emphasis-color Specifies the color of emphasis marks
text-emphasis-position Specifies the position of emphasis marks
text-emphasis-style Specifies the style of emphasis marks
text-indent Specifies the indentation of the first line in a text-block
text-justify Specifies the justification method used when text-align is "justify"
text-orientation Defines the orientation of characters in a line
text-overflow Specifies what should happen when text overflows the containing element
text-shadow Adds shadow to text
text-transform Controls the capitalization of text
text-underline-offset Specifies the offset distance of the underline text decoration
text-underline-position Specifies the position of the underline text decoration
top Specifies the top position of a positioned element
transform Applies a 2D or 3D transformation to an element
transform-origin Allows you to change the position on transformed elements
transform-style Specifies how nested elements are rendered in 3D space
transition A shorthand property for all the transition-* properties
transition-delay Specifies when the transition effect will start
transition-duration Specifies how many seconds or milliseconds a transition effect takes to complete
transition-property Specifies the name of the CSS property the transition effect is for
transition-timing-function Specifies the speed curve of the transition effect
translate Specifies the position of an element
unicode-bidi Used together with the direction property to set or return whether the text should be overridden to support multiple languages in the same document
user-select Specifies whether the text of an element can be selected
vertical-align Sets the vertical alignment of an element
visibility Specifies whether or not an element is visible
white-space Specifies how white-space inside an element is handled
widows Sets the minimum number of lines that must be left at the top of a page or column
width Sets the width of an element
word-break Specifies how words should break when reaching the end of a line
word-spacing Increases or decreases the space between words in a text
word-wrap Allows long, unbreakable words to be broken and wrap to the next line
writing-mode Specifies whether lines of text are laid out horizontally or vertically
z-index Sets the stack order of a positioned element
zoom Specifies the zoom factor for an element. An element can be zoomed in and out
Hello Katie,
Thank you for contacting eBay Customer service. My name is Adam and I am here to help you ahead.
I understand that you want buyer's contact details for DHL or Skynet shipping slip, however you are not getting buyer's contact details. Please be assured; I’ll surely assist you regarding this.
I know you genuinely want to help the buyer, first of all, undoubtedly I want to appreciate your efforts and level of professionalism you have shown to figure out the matter from yourself.
Katie, after reviewing the details, please allow me to share that as per the recent updates from the General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR), which needs to be abide by every organization, sellers will no longer be able to receive buyer’s email address, contact number, etc. Instead, eBay alias email address will be assigned which is unique to each seller/buyer combination.
This change is made to protect our customer’s privacy and reduce the risk of spam.
In this case, if you want to receive the exact contact details of the buyer, you can contact the buyer from your end and request for it.
Hence, I would recommend you to contact the buyer from your end.
I hope this information helped you with your concern. As a valued customer we will always be at your service.
Thank you for your understanding and patience.
Thanks and Regards,
Adam S.
eBay Customer Service
Hello Katie,
Thank you for contacting eBay Customer service. My name is Adam and I am here to help you ahead.
I understand that you want buyer's contact details for DHL or Skynet shipping slip, however you are not getting buyer's contact details. Please be assured; I’ll surely assist you regarding this.
I know you genuinely want to help the buyer, first of all, undoubtedly I want to appreciate your efforts and level of professionalism you have shown to figure out the matter from yourself.
Katie, after reviewing the details, please allow me to share that as per the recent updates from the General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR), which needs to be abide by every organization, sellers will no longer be able to receive buyer’s email address, contact number, etc. Instead, eBay alias email address will be assigned which is unique to each seller/buyer combination.
This change is made to protect our customer’s privacy and reduce the risk of spam.
In this case, if you want to receive the exact contact details of the buyer, you can contact the buyer from your end and request for it.
Hence, I would recommend you to contact the buyer from your end.
I hope this information helped you with your concern. As a valued customer we will always be at your service.
Thank you for your understanding and patience.
Thanks and Regards,
Adam S.
eBay Customer Service
Hello Katie,
Thank you for contacting eBay Customer service. My name is Adam and I am here to help you ahead.
I understand that you want buyer's contact details for DHL or Skynet shipping slip, however you are not getting buyer's contact details. Please be assured; I’ll surely assist you regarding this.
I know you genuinely want to help the buyer, first of all, undoubtedly I want to appreciate your efforts and level of professionalism you have shown to figure out the matter from yourself.
Katie, after reviewing the details, please allow me to share that as per the recent updates from the General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR), which needs to be abide by every organization, sellers will no longer be able to receive buyer’s email address, contact number, etc. Instead, eBay alias email address will be assigned which is unique to each seller/buyer combination.
This change is made to protect our customer’s privacy and reduce the risk of spam.
In this case, if you want to receive the exact contact details of the buyer, you can contact the buyer from your end and request for it.
Hence, I would recommend you to contact the buyer from your end.
I hope this information helped you with your concern. As a valued customer we will always be at your service.
Thank you for your understanding and patience.
Thanks and Regards,
Adam S.
eBay Customer Service
Hello Katie,
Thank you for contacting eBay Customer service. My name is Adam and I am here to help you ahead.
I understand that you want buyer's contact details for DHL or Skynet shipping slip, however you are not getting buyer's contact details. Please be assured; I’ll surely assist you regarding this.
I know you genuinely want to help the buyer, first of all, undoubtedly I want to appreciate your efforts and level of professionalism you have shown to figure out the matter from yourself.
Katie, after reviewing the details, please allow me to share that as per the recent updates from the General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR), which needs to be abide by every organization, sellers will no longer be able to receive buyer’s email address, contact number, etc. Instead, eBay alias email address will be assigned which is unique to each seller/buyer combination.
This change is made to protect our customer’s privacy and reduce the risk of spam.
In this case, if you want to receive the exact contact details of the buyer, you can contact the buyer from your end and request for it.
Hence, I would recommend you to contact the buyer from your end.
I hope this information helped you with your concern. As a valued customer we will always be at your service.
Thank you for your understanding and patience.
Thanks and Regards,
Adam S.
eBay Customer Service
Hello Katie,
Thank you for contacting eBay Customer service. My name is Adam and I am here to help you ahead.
I understand that you want buyer's contact details for DHL or Skynet shipping slip, however you are not getting buyer's contact details. Please be assured; I’ll surely assist you regarding this.
I know you genuinely want to help the buyer, first of all, undoubtedly I want to appreciate your efforts and level of professionalism you have shown to figure out the matter from yourself.
Katie, after reviewing the details, please allow me to share that as per the recent updates from the General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR), which needs to be abide by every organization, sellers will no longer be able to receive buyer’s email address, contact number, etc. Instead, eBay alias email address will be assigned which is unique to each seller/buyer combination.
This change is made to protect our customer’s privacy and reduce the risk of spam.
In this case, if you want to receive the exact contact details of the buyer, you can contact the buyer from your end and request for it.
Hence, I would recommend you to contact the buyer from your end.
I hope this information helped you with your concern. As a valued customer we will always be at your service.
Thank you for your understanding and patience.
Thanks and Regards,
Adam S.
eBay Customer Service
Hello Katie,
Thank you for contacting eBay Customer service. My name is Adam and I am here to help you ahead.
I understand that you want buyer's contact details for DHL or Skynet shipping slip, however you are not getting buyer's contact details. Please be assured; I’ll surely assist you regarding this.
I know you genuinely want to help the buyer, first of all, undoubtedly I want to appreciate your efforts and level of professionalism you have shown to figure out the matter from yourself.
Katie, after reviewing the details, please allow me to share that as per the recent updates from the General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR), which needs to be abide by every organization, sellers will no longer be able to receive buyer’s email address, contact number, etc. Instead, eBay alias email address will be assigned which is unique to each seller/buyer combination.
This change is made to protect our customer’s privacy and reduce the risk of spam.
In this case, if you want to receive the exact contact details of the buyer, you can contact the buyer from your end and request for it.
Hence, I would recommend you to contact the buyer from your end.
I hope this information helped you with your concern. As a valued customer we will always be at your service.
Thank you for your understanding and patience.
Thanks and Regards,
Adam S.
eBay Customer Service
In 2024 we launched our Physics World Live series of panel discussions. In September, we explored the future of particle physics with Tara Shears of the UK’s University of Liverpool, Phil Burrows at the University of Oxford in the UK and Tulika Bose at the University of Wisconsin–Madison in the US. Moderated by Physics World’s Michael Banks, the discussion focussed on next-generation particle colliders and how they could unravel the mysteries of the Higgs boson and probe beyond the Standard Model of particle physics. You can watch a video of the event by clicking on the above headline (free registration) or read an article based on the discussion here: “How a next-generation particle collider could unravel the mysteries of the Higgs boson”.
Neutrinos do not fit in nicely with the Standard Model of particle physics because of their non-zero masses. As a result some physicists believe that they offer a unique opportunity to do experiments that could reveal new physics. In a wide-ranging interview, the particle physicist Juan Pedro Ochoa-Ricoux explains why he has devoted much of his career to the study of these elusive subatomic particles. He also looks forward to two big future experiments – JUNO and DUNE – which could change our understanding of the universe.
This year marked the 70th anniversary of the world’s most famous physics laboratory, so the last two items in my list celebrate that iconic facility nestled between the Alps and the Jura mountains. Formed in the aftermath of the Second World War, which devastated much of Europe, CERN came into being on 29 September 1954. That year also saw the start of construction of the Geneva-based lab’s proton synchrotron, which fired-up in 1959 with an energy of 24 GeV, becoming the world’s highest-energy particle accelerator. The original CERN had 12 member states and that has since doubled to 24, with an additional 10 associate members. The lab has been associated with a number of Nobel laureates and is a shining example of how science can bring nations together after a the trauma of war. Read more about the anniversary here.
